Noteworthy

“Glamorous” Apparently Means Round, Firm, Perky Breasts

After School’s Raina confessed she once ran away from home – allkpop
After School’s Raina subtly shows off her glamorous figure – allkpop

I like allkpop. I know other people don’t like them and their sister site Tokyohive, but I find there’s moments of amusement, quirk, and even insights mixed into the dozens upon dozens upon dozens of posts they put up every day. And for a casual fan of Korean pop music such as myself, it may be a bit of a slog to go through the content-farm-esque amount of articles – but it’s not like anyone is forcing me to do it, nor does it mean that there aren’t pearls to be found along the way.

For instance, that headline about the actress or idol whose head is smaller than an iron? With an accompanying picture to prove it? To me that’s the wotasphere equivalent of “Headless Man In Topless Bar” – a kitschy landmark by which other kitschy landmarks can be measured. (“Oh sure, that post about Manoeri’s sleeping habits is silly. But does it pass the Iron Head test?”) And there are some excellent posts about the Korean music and idol industry that provide great insight and truth-telling on their inner machinations, creating a strong contrast with the more ramshackle goings-on in the Japanese idol industry.

Also, allkpop is useful in that it’s a great way to pick up the general ambiance and intricacies of being a Kpop fan. Terms like “selca” and “maknae” are clearly Korean, but then there’s “netizens” and “bagel idols” (face like a baby, body like a gladiator) which seem specific to this particular milieu. And since idols are attention whores who love to share pics of themselves, allkpop’s writers often make interesting choices in how to describe those pics: beastly, S-shape, innocent, hilarious, and so on. As a longtime reader of comics, I can’t help but get a whiff of Stan “The Man” Lee in the use of descriptive terms – hyperbolic, energetic, oddly otherworldly.

So when I saw the headline about Raina and her “glamorous figure” I wasn’t sure what they meant. A Vargas-like glamor shoot? Something involving evening wear and expensive jewelry?

To my pleasant surprise, it just meant that we got to see her cleavage from a slightly above angle and that she has nice, round, firm, perky breasts. The kind one imagines feeling like a ripe melon in one’s hands, soft and supple against the palms as the nipples harden between one’s fingers. The kind of breasts one daydreams about motorboating over while Raina laughs in delight, amused and impressed by your clever display of vulgarity. (When in reality, any attempt for a fan to motorboat Raina would probably result in a severe beating from security, so don’t any of you try it now!) The kind of breasts that, yes, do seem glamorous when they peek out the way they do here, as if ready to invite you over for some mixed drinks and gas huffing, followed by who-knows-what when the delirium sets in.

I’m loving Raina more and more over time, she’s fast becoming my favorite member of After School and this glamorous photo certainly helps a great deal in that assessment. I’m hoping there will be more glamorous figures on display in future allkpop posts – not just of Raina, but of the other After School girls as well. (Bekah seems especially glamorous, for instance, as does UEE.)

And in related news, Raina’s home life was once so shitty that she ran away. But imagining her breasts at that age will just get me in trouble.