Archive for the 'Costume Hall of Shame' Category

Jun 13 2011

Costume Hall of Shame: Stealing from my grandma is wrong

Published by under Costume Hall of Shame

So, I wasn’t planning to do another Costume Hall of Shame really, but then I saw this picture.

*facepalm*

I swear to God, this is the EXACT same print as my grandmother’s sofa. Not only that, but it’s been fashioned into a horribly unflattering pajama jump suit thing. Are those random medals pinned on her supposed to make it cool? Is this punk? Because that teddy bear is hard core. Overall, the costume makes me angry and sleepy. Probably not what they were going for.

And as long as we’re talking about bad costumes again, another costume that I strongly disagreed with was this one.

Giant asymmetrical hip ruffle makes gives the impression of giant asymmetrical hips. Who’d have thunk? The fabric is clashing with itself too. Maybe that’s why the hip ruffle is trying to escape.

And finally…

I had a hard time finding a good picture of this, so here’s a video of her wearing it. Saki has a solo around :35 and 1:05

Okay people. Ogawa Saki is not 5 years old. Stop dressing her like a baby clown! I mean, this red romper with puff balls is cut to just above ankle length, making it even more infantile. Having her sing Get Up Rapper while wearing this makes me think H!P is trolling us.

~Celestia~

3 responses so far

Jan 01 2009

Costume Hall of Shame: Did Yurina Accidentally Step on the Costume Designer’s Cat or Something?

I’ve mentioned this before, but Berryz is having terrible luck with costumes lately. As though rubbing salt in the wound, in the same time period, C-ute has come out with some of their best costumes ever. First, let’s look at some of C-ute’s recent outfits.

Hawt!

Simple, but nice.

Oooh, pretty! And bonus points for being in the member’s colors.

Cool!

Kyaa! So cute!! Favorite costume of 2008.

*sound of a record screeching to a halt* Poor Berryz. Last time, they were forced to wear monkey suits. This time it’s highly unflattering “retro” dress things with awful leisure suit collars and clashy unappealing colors. I’m not sure which was worse.

“Beam me up Chinami”

“Yes Captain!”

So the overall theme is “Shiny Space Cadet Mumus”. There are so many things wrong here that I’m going to have to put them in list form.

1. If you couldn’t tell from the opening commentary, I’m getting a strong “Star Trek” vibe from the necklines and sleeves.

2. The huge flower things on their heads don’t match in the slightest.

3. Then there’s the huge flower things on the dresses, and is that alligator print in the petals? WTF??

4. As I’ve come to expect from Berryz, these dresses are boxy and totally unflattering. A common theme you’ll notice here is that most of Berryz costumes are specifically designed to make them each look about 20 lbs heavier.

It’s a over-ruffled taffeta nightmare! What is with all that neck rufflage? Only clowns wear neck ruffles like that!! And the bow looks like something that was formerly used to secure large, musty, velvet curtains in an old mansion somewhere. I haven’t seen the stage play, but I’m totally rooting for the evil Berryz, because anyone who wears this outfit deserves to get her ass handed to her.

I’ve saved the worst for last. Saki Shimizu is a tiny person. I want to be angry about what this outfit is doing to her, but I can’t because I am so very impressed that someone could design a costume so fattening that she looks like she’s 8 months pregnant with twins.

“Miyabi-Lu-Who and The Poof Pants of Froo” would be a great title for a Dr.Seuss book, don’t you think? You could fill this outfit with helium and she’s float away like a big singing balloon!

Just Apologize Already Yurina!

~Celestia~

10 responses so far

Sep 28 2008

Costume Hall of Shame: Next Time, Hire a Professional

Just when you thought I had run out of costume-related pet peeves, another emerges from the shadows! This time I would like to focus on what is, perhaps, one of the worst costume sins h!p commits, the cheap-looking, poorly made costume. Ugly costumes…well…that’s a matter of taste, but poorly-made= amateur. It looks like *shudders* cosplay. Not good cosplay either. Junior high kid with one year of home economics classes and no sewing machine cosplay. If H!p wants to have any hope of maintaining dignity as legitimate artists in the Japanese people’s eyes, they simply cannot let their idols trot onstage wearing an unhemmed ill-fitted mess of scraps. A previous hall of shame inductee (CLICK), Country Musume’s orange dresses would have fit well into this category. But enough with the old, on with the new!

Okay Maki. It’s nice that you love mermaids, and I know that your mommy went to a lot of trouble making your Halloween costume, but don’t you think you’re getting just a tiny bit too old for trick-or-treating? Does that costume even go all the way around? It looks like her mom might have just pinned a scaly breastplate and tail over Maki’s favorite lacy 1 sleeved, 1 bicep cuffed, dress.

H!p may have fallen on hard times, but that’s no reason to start literally dressing Risa in rags. It’s like she rolled in a bin of fabric scraps at Quilts R Us. Pull one thread, and the entire shirt falls to pieces. Hey…maybe h!p knows what they’re doing after all.

Points to Koharu for finding a way to recycle all of that old Christmas ribbon. Very environmentally friendly of her, don’t you think? Minus points for the sheer tackiness of her attempt at decking the halls. Christmas-present bow corsages should never be bigger than your head. Actually, Christmas-present bow corsages just shouldn’t be.  And what’s that white thing peaking around from behind her? Is that a tail?! Double minus points for the overt cosplay!

And this is completely unrelated to today’s topic but…

RIKA! How many times do I have to tell you!? Your underwear goes under your skirt, NOT over it.

End bitchery for today,

~Celestia~

7 responses so far

May 22 2008

The Costume Hall of Shame Salutes VUDen

Published by under Costume Hall of Shame,VUDen

With Biyuden’s time rapidly drawing nigh, I thought it would be nice to feature some of their wardrobe mishaps in the Costume Hall of Shame. Wait, did I say nice? I think I meant not nice at all.


Look at those chains! It’s like her chest is a tiny prison. Well, not so tiny since it is Yui, but you get the idea. What did Yui’s poor boobs do that caused her to chain them up like that? Stretch out her favorite sweater? Bouncing without a permit? Whatever it was, you can bet they’ll be out on parole in no time.


This costume is made of tinfoil. I’m not even joking here. I really think it might be. On the up side, if h!p is ever in need of a disco ball, all they have to do is hang Rika from the ceiling. As an added bonus, a nice view for the wota watching from below.


I imagine there was a big argument in the wardrobe department the day this was designed. “I’m picturing ballerina fairies…” “Are you crazy? There’s nothing sexier than marching band uniforms!” “Fairies!” “Drum majors!” “Floofy tutu’s!!” “Fringed shoulder covers!!!” Eventually, they were forced to compromise. Each designer got half a girl, and this is what they came up with.


I get that all the costumes in this set are kind of intentionally plasticly and hideous, but I do believe that Yui has the worst of the bunch. Even if we ignore the atrocious wig, I cannot get past the fact that she’s wearing a loin-cloth with suspenders attached. It’s not a skirt, it’s just a flap in front of her crotch, like a doggy door, and….. I’m going to stop that line of thought right there.

And now we move on to the VUDen’s own special branch of The Costume Hall of Shame, the Costume Hall of “Have you no shame”? You see, there’s wearing costumes that resemble lingerie, and then there’s wearing actual lingerie on stage and calling it a costume. VUDen flirts with that fine line so often that they’re bound to slip over once in a while.


Look at how short Rika’s negligee is. One light breeze, and we’ll all have something in common with her gynecologist. Don’t even try to tell me they don’t sell this exact piece at Victoria’s Secret. I’m not posting these because they’re ugly. I’m posting them because they’re underwear.


Because the original “Aisu Cream to My Purin” costumes were just too subtle and demure.


Gluing cheap fake flowers to your undies does NOT make them qualify as a costume. What it does do is result in Squirrelly McOverbite up there simultaneously qualifying for both the costume hall of shame and the hall of “have you no shame”. Even worse, I don’t know if that black lacy thing is her actual bra poking out from under her pseudo-bra, but it sure looks like it.


No matter how many times I look at this picture, it still looks like they’re wearing diapers. Erika especially. VUDen playing to the fetish community? Slap those rabbit ears back on Yui, hand Rika a whip, leave Erika as is, and they’ll be ready to tap a whole new market of potential wotas.

See? That wasn’t very nice at all, was it? The real question is who h!p is going to get to slut it up and prance around on stage in her underwear now that VUDen and Maki are gone. Manoeri perhaps?

V-U-Denied!! Oooh, burn!,

~Celestia~

9 responses so far

Apr 06 2008

Costume Hall of Shame Rips on Ruffles

Back by popular demand, it’s the costume hall of shame, tackling yet another of the serious issues plaguing the h!p wardrobe department, an preponderance of misplaced ruffles. I’m not going to suggest banning all ruffles from h!p costumes. They are idols after all, so a certain amount of rufflage is expect, maybe even required. However, that’s no excuse to start flinging the ruffles around willy-nilly.

This is totally Kanna’s bitch face, and it’s easy to see why she’s making it right now. Ignoring for a moment the awful color-combination, look at the placement of the ruffles. I hope I’m not dating myself by bringing up the infamous ‘puffy shirt’ episode of Seinfeld, but this reminds me a lot of that. Poofy-sleeved swashbuckling, a little neckruffly clownyness, and a big ugly chunk of ruffle hanging down her thigh like some sort of tail.

“So C-ute thinks they can beat Berryz when it comes to tiered, boxy, figure swallowing, unflatteringly colored, ruffly dresses reminiscent of jellyfish?” Risako thinks to herself. (I’m not sure if this is her bitch face or not. It may just be her normal face)

“Well suck on this you ‘lalalala’-spouting harlots!!!”

Umm…so Morning Musume, Little Bo Peep called….

Here’s a costume that’s perfectly fine from the waist up, but awful from the waist down. I ask you, is there any occasion, any occasion at all, where it is a good idea to wear long pants on one of your legs and not the other? Half of them have strapped one of those unflattering tiered dresses to one leg (presumably these can be removed and used as costumes by one of the kids groups later) while some kind of awful yellow sheath made to look almost plaid by the clumsy application of various ruffly ribbons adorns one of the legs of the other half. Just take a moment with me now and imagine how much nicer this would have looked without the half-pants. For God’s sake, it looks like they’re trying to hide the fact that they’re all missing one leg!

Hope I wasn’t too rough on them,

~Celestia~

7 responses so far

Mar 13 2008

Costume Hall of Shame: Now in Day-glo

Welcome to Bikkuri Project’s new home! It’s just so professional-looking that I almost don’t know what to do with myself. I was torn as to what to write about for the inaugural entry here. I’ve been wanting to do a new costume hall of shame feature for a while (the bad costumes are piling up!), but then I was worried that if I wrote something and people hated it, I’d lose votes for the International Wota awards. I’ve realized that that’s rather silly(because it’s not like anyone would vote for me anyway, lol), and I think it’d be a good way to kick off the blog, so without further ado…

Today’s costume hall of shame is full of costumes that were vomited on by a drunken rainbow. Bikkuri Project is not accountable for any retinal damage that results from viewing these images.

Koharu’s amazing Technicolor dreamcoat!! Papa Tsunku gave the gift of a marvelous coat of many colors to his youngest daughter (this was pre-aika), Kusumi, for she was his favorite. And lo! The other daughters were sorely jealous and so they threw her in a pit and sold her into slavery. What a nice story. It’ll never work though, because I don’t see how any of the Musume could be jealous of this clashing, raggedy homage to a circus tent.

There are so many strange and terrible things going on here; I almost don’t know where to begin. The furry vest, the fingerless shiny gold gloves, the zebra striped cowboy hat, the skirt of polka-dotted multi-colored handkerchiefs… Each item alone is offensive, but together… At my elementary school, every year we’d have spirit week, and one of the days was always “clash day”. The person who came to school clashing the most would win a prize. Congratulations Miss Matsuura, because you just kicked the ass of every kid in my elementary school.

Lastly, say ‘Hello’ to Hello Project’s newest solo artist, ManoEri. I’m trying to come up with something clever to say about the costume, but the only thing that keeps running through my head is “clownclownclownclownclown”. I don’t like clowns. This is not an auspicious start for Erina.

~Celestia~

4 responses so far

Feb 01 2008

A Costume Hall of Shame for all Seasons

The Japanese are known for having a deep appreciation for their four unique seasons. They express this appreciation through two time honored methods: haiku and ugly h!p costumes. You may find one of those to be an unusual method to commemorate the seasons, but you’ll just have to trust me and my extensive knowledge of Japanese culture on this one. Haiku really are supposed to have a seasonal theme.


When Autumn (aki) rolls around, things start to get a bit chilly, but that won’t stop C-ute! They don’t even let the fact that mustard yellow looks good on absolutely no one slow them down. While Maimi’s plaid short-shorts may be fashionable, they do nothing to protect her rear from the brisk breezes of fall, so she has attached a fuzzy green butt-warmer. It is practical as well as fashionable; doubling as protective padding should she slip on some fallen leaves and land on her ass. From what I hear, it was quite cheap too. She said she found it in a garbage can in a nice little neighborhood called Sesame Street. Say Maimi, next time you’re there can you ask about my friend Oscar? I haven’t heard from him for a while, and I’m starting to get worried.


Next up, Rika Ishikawa is looking festive for the holiday season, Winter (fuyu). According to a recent interview, her motto is, “if less is more, then more is even more than that, and that’s better, right?” She explained that she started with a nice beaded evening gown, but it just wasn’t enough. It needed something. It needed to be festooned with gigantic poofy bows, taffeta flounces of alternating colors, and a couple of leftover tartan kilts from her latest photobook “Alo Hello Rika Ishikawa in Scotland.” To finish off, she looked for a necklace, but they were all tangled together in a clumpy mess. “More is more” she thought, humming to herself and fastening the whole thing around her neck.


Ah Spring (haru). Here Ayaya demonstrates that nothing says ‘Spring’ quite like a gigantic butterfly perched on your head (for best results butterfly should be larger than head). How nice to see that she’s been taking fashion tips from Rika and has chosen to festoon one of the legs of her pants in floppy multicolored bows which doesn’t look ridiculous at all. It looks so not ridiculous that I almost didn’t notice that her shiny silver leather pants (there’s four words that should never appear together in a sentence) seem to have been violently sprayed with blood recently. You know, between the gore and the butterfly, the ruffly almost-vest isn’t even worth commenting on.

On a hot Summer (natsu) day, there’s nothing better than a nice dip in the pool. How very clever of Maki to wear what is clearly a bikini directly over her old T-shirt. Throw on a few belts and some red streamers and the whole audience is fooled into thinking that she’s wearing a concert costume. The protruding fringe of her bloomers making it look like she’s one of those little kids who wears a diaper under her swimsuit is a small price to pay to be able to hit the pool immediately after the concert. Sure, most people in this situation would wear the swimsuit under their clothes, but Maki is being a non-conformist, and you’ve got to respect her for that.

I’ll end with my own haiku.

Is Rika crazy?

I think she wants to eat me

I’m afraid. Send help!

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Jan 06 2008

The Costume Hall of Shame Rodeo

Today’s costume hall of shame can be summed up in one word, a word which I personally feel should never be associated with Hello Project in any way. “Yeeeehaw!!!”



To start us off, Berryz, dressed as proper cowboys. At first glance, it’s not so bad. I’m not a fan of cowboy costumes being worn by anyone other than actual cowboys or 4-year-olds on Halloween, but I guess these are sort of cute. What really bugs meare the tiny hats. They’re supposed to be cute, but they remind me of clown hats. You know how clowns always have accessories that are the wrong size, right? Oversized shoes and bowties, cars and hats that are too small, etc. Worse, the clown with the tiny cowboy hatis notthe happy fun clown. He’s the sad kind of clown. He’s the clown that’s always getting pied in the face, or,at therodeo, chased by the raging bull. While I worry that the Ghengis Khan song is some kind of cruel joke on the Berryz, let’s not demote them to “sad clown” just yet.



Excuse me. Miss Running Deer? I hate to break this to you, but you’re not actually an indian priestess. You’re really a Japanese girl named Maki Goto. You see, there is no real tribe of Native Americans who make their traditional clothing out of sparkly brown camouflage fabric. Try to take it easy on the peyote next time, okay?



Ayaya is hereby crowned Queen of the Rodeo! She’s not just wearing a costume inspired by rodeo queens: I’m worried that she might have assaulted an actual rodeo queen and stolen her dress before this photo was taken. Or maybe she only stole half of a dress and made the other half herself, because I’m pretty sure this is actually the right and left half of two similar, but slightly different dresses sewn together. The hem is way shorter on one side, and there’s a seam down the middle. Good thing this outfit couldn’t get any worse.



Hoo! This little black number would be hot, if she hadn’t retained the heavily fringed arm warmers. At least all of the fringe sort of blended in with the equally fringe-happy rodeo queen dress. With all of the fringing concentrated on her arms, at best it looks like she’s wearing a silly minicape, and at worst it looks like she has a very serious arm-hair problem.

Well, that there’s perti’near it for the costume hall of shame rodeo. I’m gonna go ride off into one’a them sunsets now. Yeeeeehaw!


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Dec 13 2007

Costume Hall of Shame: Nothing Rhymes with Orange

I never thought that costumes would be in this feature based on their color rather than design flaws, but today I have been proven wrong. When a group of idols has been around as long as h!p has, they start to run the risk of repeating the same costumes twice. No doubt, the designers rack their brains before every concert, trying to come up with something they haven’t done yet, but when the idea well is really running dry, they have to use a less than optimal color pallet. Surely though, they couldn’t have been desperate enough that their only option was to use these particular colors together.


Orange fluff and brown velour. On idols. Idols are supposed to look bright and sparkly on stage, aren’t they? Well, this is whatever the opposite of bright and sparkly is. The brown is just horribly drab and muddy, and while the orange adds color, it also adds several metric tons of clash. Ewww. Don’t ever do this again! Do you hear me Country Musume?!



Ack! No no no!! Bad Country Musume! Bad! I see that you have lost the brown, which is good, but you have expanded the orange, and that is not good at all. This isn’t just orange, it’s traffic cone, life-jacket, construction worker vest ORANGE. It’s not that I hate the color orange, but costumes that are entirely this shade of it are downright eye-smarting. Very bright colors are like hot sauce, good in moderation and as seasoning for other things, but painful in large doses and by itself. Despite the potential risk to my retinas, I have studied these costumes further and come to the conclusion that the color is just a clever ploy to distract us from how poorly-made they are. They don’t really seem to fit the girls, and the whole thing just looks unforgivably cheap. It could have been worse I guess. These could have been the costumes for Mikan.


Unrelated note time! To cleanse your soul of orangeness, please examine this preview picture from Sayumi’s upcoming photobook. Once again, I am stunned by how flipping beautiful this girl is.

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Dec 01 2007

Costume Hall of Shame’s is to Wonder Why

Since more and more bad costumes seem to keep piling up (and I swear, I’m trying to be lenient), The Costume Hall of Shame has left me with many questions. Mostly, they are along the lines of “Why??” and “Are they blind??” (the answers to which are “see the answer to question 2″ and “yes”), but I often find myself left with questions that are more difficult to answer than these two. Perhaps you will have more luck with them than I have.

What the hell is on Maki’s face?

What the hell is on Rika’s head? Is the costume a homage to the famous Princess Leia/gold bikini scene from Star Wars? Is Rika a fan of Star Wars or is she just hoping to appeal to Star Wars geeks in the audience?

Is Ayaya trying to appeal to Renaissance fair geeks in the audience, or is she actually on her way to slay a dragon?

If you have to take a second look to make sure a girl is wearing an actual costume underneath her boas, is she wearing too many boas? Is there such a thing as too many boas in the h!p world?

How about too many plaids? Is that why Yossie is so angry here?

Did Sayu just realize she forgot to pull her napkin out of her shirt-front after her lunch break? Does she think it’s okay to leave it that way because her napkin happened to match her bloomers? Why is she even wearing bloomers? Is that why Yossie is so angry?

Where will Maki’s crazy crochet-happy grandmother strike next!?!? (just try to tell me that this costume didn’t start out life as an afghan or table cloth made by an insane octogenarian)

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