Oogoe Diamond from the PoV of an AKB48 newb

Usa-Chan was originally going to do a serious view of this PV.  But being unfamiliar with so many members names, instead she gives us a totally snarky “train of thought” with screencaps.  Usa-chan spends most of the review making fun of Acchan and Watanabe Mayu, and trying to figure out who the new “mystery girl” is fronting the group (11 year-old SKE48 member Matsui Jurina!).

This an example of the types of PV reviews I love.  And it reminds me of Woody Allen’s “What’s Up Tiger Lily?”, Spike TV’s “MXC”, and American Wota’s “Berikyuu” reviews.  If you aren’t sure what the plot or dialogue is, just make it up!  The result here is even more entertaining than the actual video!  Very funny, and some great screenshots.

Kirarin Revolution & Koharu’s voice- declining together

As much as I like Koharu, I’ll never get enough of people poking fun at her.  Midori has noticed that Koha’s vocal chops have declined at the exact same rate as the animation from Kirarin Revolution.  I have never paid too much attention to the anime, but I think it is hysterical that Koharu seemed born to play the lead role.  Midori goes single by single.  She finds both of them bearable at first, but by Tan Tan Taan she feels that the show can’t get much worse.  I dunno, the one video that Midori posts of the anime looks to me like the same type of animation from the original Speed Racer.  The problem is Speed Racer is a 40-year old cartoon!

Just keep reminding yourself “Koharu is a comedy act” and she becomes a lot more palatable.  At least that’s what I do!

ikimono gakari - Little Psycho Girls Talking To Dolls

And I thought the PV for Ikimono gakari’s Planetarium was boring! In this post, broomhead sounds like a cynical old guy who doesn’t believe in fairytales anymore.

Or maybe he’s just more sane than I am.

Watch out for stalkers, stars and drugs. This PV is the Hollywood life baby!

Reina’s Accident Video, Strabismus Surgery.
Reina’s Back

Artszfar (I’m still trying to figure out the joke in that name) brings news that Reina’s “wonky-eye” is a far more serious situation than we all imagined.  First we have video of two recent tragic mishaps, one involving a soccer goal post and the other involving a bicycle.  Artszfar also has the latest news from Tokyo Eye Specialist Hospital on Reina’s ailment, and details on the latest attempts at corrective surgery.  Unfortunately things haven’t gone to well at the hospital.  And as a result Reina has allegedly vowed to sue the doctors for an amount equivalent to 16,500 Goto Maki breast augmentations!

By the way, if you check out all of Artszfar’s blog entries, every single one is just as hilarious as these two.  The writing style here is just like The Onion, which is my all-time favorite magazine!  I am excited to see what else Trippendicular Unknown Stories has to offer.  So far it has been a screamfest!

Trippendicular, eh?  I haven’t heard that word since Deborah Foreman used it to describe Nicholas Cage in Valley Girl!!!

No Sleeves vs Men-dol: Who’s Hotter?

Recommended Reading. Let’s all open our minds a little here. Ray is excited about the new television drama starring three members of AKB48, although he doesn’t have very high expectations. C’mon, this premise has been done one way or another a dozen times or so! But it does has him wondering who is hotter? The members of No Sleeves or their Johnny’s-looking alter-egos?

Now this is Ray we are talking about here. So this type of analysis wouldn’t be complete without references to prosthetics and Caligula-like scenes in the Don Quixote Theater, ultimately turning my thoughts to the fantasy of having all six of them!

And the idea of the girls pulling a “Dirk Diggler” while whispering “I’m a star, I’m a star” would possibly be the greatest moment in the history of television!

AKB48 says, ‘You can’t leak a recording of this concert, right?’

Recently it was reported that a rough version of AKB48’s new single, Oogoe Diamond was leaked onto the internet.  Allegedly the producers were ready to take legal action against whoever was responsible for this dastardly deed.

Santos smells something fishy about the entire situation, especially in light of the title of AKB48’s November concert tour, “Will the recording of this concert be leaked?  Never!!”  Heaven knows the good people that handle the group have been known for their “unique” marketing tactics.  Santos draws parallels to the marketing strategies of the WWE, going as far as comparing Akimoto Yasushi to Vince McMahon!

This is coming right on the heels of the Meshibe Ohori-Ten Thousand singles sold or you’re out campaign.  So I don’t put anything past these guys anymore.  But I still love AKB48!  Recommended reading.

Trippendicular Unknown Stories
Men Killed by Ogawa Makotos (sic)

This is a blog after my own heart.

I don’t know this for a fact, but I think the official name of the blog is Trippendicular Unknown Stories and I think the owner of the blog’s name is artszfar.

Every blog has a personality. Some are more well-defined than others and some take a while to develop. I happened upon this blog and it has a personality that stood out to me after reading a relatively short amount of entries. They often poke fun at some of the absurdities associated with the idol world, especially the photos that wota take of themselves and their merchandise.

And so that brings us to the entry “Killed by Ogawa Makotos (sic).” A top notch investigative report if I do say so myself. The style of a fake news report is perfect for this. I loaded the blog before the individual entry, which means the image was hidden behind a More tag. When I loaded the whole entry and saw the image, I laughed until I cried.

I hope for more from this blog and artszfar.

[Review] Because the term “eyecandy” would be debatable

Recommended.  I think Vee has decided that everyone has been a little too nice about the Hello! Project calendar covers.  So she gives them a good going-over, and nobody comes out of it unscathed.  Vee seemed to have the most “fun” with Morning Musume and C-ute’s calendars, noting the strategic positioning of legs and some funny criticisms of LinLin and Aika.

I don’t know who can look at C-ute’s version and not laugh at that Amish Country motif.  Vee finds it remarkable that Maimi can still look hot in such a silly photoshoot.  In fact, she has prescribed to the “so bad it’s good” theory awarding this and Ayaya’s cover the win.

Ya know, I never thought of it that way until Vee mentioned it.  Now the C-ute calendar is my favorite too!

[Speculation] A Brave New Mo-World

Vee gets busy tearing apart Morning Musume and putting them back together in some sort of snarky “Frankenstein” experiment.  Her theory being that there is too much stagnation around the group, and some major changes would create some excitement for Momusu AND for the members she suggests for graduation.  It is well detailed, thought out and seems to have all of the bases covered, including the songwriting, PV’s and new auditions.  Penultimately coming to this result…

“Now we’re working with a solid vocal base, a solid fan base, solid newmeat, a solid diva, and LinLin.”

This is the kind of post that creates a lot of conversation and debate, so it is a highly recommended read.  Just remember it’s all in fun, Vee doesn’t really want to punch Takahashi in the throat!

Stephanie is too ugly for JPop

I’m quickly becoming a fan of tranquilla’s blog. It is blunt and real, but not to the effect of showing off or being loud. This entry fits that mold. It takes a look (although I guess tranquilla would rather not) at Stephanie. Simply put: tranquilla finds Stephanie’s face to be ugly. An analysis of the cover arts on Stephanie releases really makes the argument all the more convincing. There is also plenty of humor to lighten the mood. For example:

A few months went by and now she’s back with a new single featuring Roma Tanaka (she scared away all the straight men so Roma was happily available).

Granted, not everyone is going to find Stephanie ugly. Beauty… eye of the beholder… blah blah.

nanase aikawa & marty friedman (crimson fang) | "circle of life" (2008)

Recommended reading, even if you have no idea who Nanase and Marty are, because Go is at his best in this glorious, hilarious review. There is no writeup that could do this post justice. Seriously:

This single is a great big steaming pile of undercooked ramen noodles thrown up by a cancerous goat and eaten by its young, then shat out their bleeding arses and baked in the rays of a dying sun, with flies all over it and possibly some large maggots inside who will grow up to infect a small village with dysentery or some other shit-producing malady.

Only Go could write this about a single and get away with it.

OMG
V6 - TOKONATSU VIBRATION

Raid asks you who the pretty maid in the picture is, and you might be surprised. Or not. Anyway it’s entirely up to you whether you think this is hot or not. I’m not a fan of the person anyway, so I guess it’s all a little lost on me.

An earlier entry has Raid donning his snark cap yet again, this time finding new ways to look at V6. There’s screen captures of a recent PV, and the captions get better as the post goes on. In places, this is a very, very funny post.

YODC Celebrates its 3rd Anniversary BITCHES!!!!

Actually I’m a week late with this as the anniversary was July 25th.  But the crew over at YODC are celebrating three years of existence with a retrospective of memorable posts from the last twelve months.  There’s plenty of eyecandy, snide comments and general tomfoolery to check out.  And it’s a great chance for any IW newbie (like myself) to get caught up on their unique sense of humor.  My favorite part of the post is the little video at the bottom, which to me recalls Benny Hill’s famous theory of relativity…

Boots Randolph’s Yakety Sax + Anything = Comedy!

Eggs, ham and Tanaka Reina

Recommended lulzing. pengie has taken it upon herself to try and stop making fun of Morning Musume’s Tanaka Reina. However, before she embarks on this personal mission, she couldn’t help but get one final jab in, and I must say it’s quiet a riot. However, be warned that this is completely Reina unfriendly. It’s a whole lot of snark disguised in Dr. Seuss’ style. How can you beat that?

Was Haromoni Worth Watching? July 06, 2008

Broomhead finds the will to survive a July HM@, and quickly notes how little has changed since he last watched the show a few months back. Include the usual screen captures and some - at certain points - hilarious captions, and it’s a typical, jest-driven post from our man from Boston. Another sucessful entry from his popular blog segment. And yeah, I like the lacrosse outfits actually. Leaves enough to the imagination, which of course is free to run wild. And yes Broomy! of course I’d watch Sayu and Eri do nothing at a shopping mall! I’d love it, too. It’s because I’m sad.

Hirai Says The Darndest Things

I’m not going to spoil it and tell you what Raid’s beloved Ken-kun said, but let’s just say that it’s not exactly the nicest of father’s day presents. As usual, Raid’s snarky commentary is snappy and laugh-inducing.

My Disappointment is Resonating Horribly…Kind Of

Recommeded reading and lulzing. Chiakii likes Resonant blue…. but doesn’t. As the runs through the pros and cons of the song and PV, she gives a provides a great amount of snark that kept me entertained the whole way through. I love the commentary she keeps up through all the screencaps.

Points to note: Risa’s hot. Aichan’s hot. Special Generation!! (Huh? What? BK’s in the house?! … or not. XD) Aika’s cute. More Reina prostitute jokes. Not enough LinLin. Sayu scares people (And I must say, that cracked me up!).

“HELP ME!” Omg Sayu. You nearly gave me a heart attack. But yes. Yes yes yes. Sayu is awesome.

LINLIN LEARN TO SHARE

Misa continues to have a little bit of fun at LinLin’s expense with this whole ‘I eat babies’ business. Apparently, Buono! are also into baby eating, although the baby in their grasp seems to be green with white ‘what the f*** just happened eyes’. Looks a little like shocked candy.

Miyoshi Chinatsu? YEEEH!

While ever so slightly down on current H!P output, this is a nice tribute to one of the original soloists who only made a few singles and then quietly retired. Besides just having a nice voice, it’s interesting to check out her stuff as it was not produced by Tsunks Incorporated. Recommend if you are old…so old.

Fact: Okada Yui’s chest has six moons.

Recommended lulzing. Our own pengie nearly killed me with her snark in this post. It’s not a long post, but who needs length when you’ve got Yui’s boobs? (Oh geez… That could be interpreted in so many different ways… T_T) I can’t highlight any single line in this post… It’s just all so FTW!

Shocking news: Linlin’s departure. (See warning below.)

Misa reports on some unexpected developments in Hello! Project land. It seems that Linlin’s unorthodox culinary interests have met with rather disastrous consequences. “Shocking” indeed.

Warning: It appears that some people have suffered cardiac arrests upon viewing this post. I apologize for the damage I have unwittingly inflicted. So if you have a weak stomach or a low tolerance for satire, you may wish to avoid clicking the above.

KAT-TUN - DON’T U EVER STOP

KAT-TUN’s latest single has plenty of solo songs, it would seem, and to my amusement, and clearly Raid’s, this post easily jest’s it’s way through them all. Some are admittedly good, apprently, whilst others don’t fare quite as well. A cracking line from a song is quoted by our own Raid. It goes like this:

“I could tell you want me too Many time I think of you Delicious drink can let’s produce I can taste the sweet LOVEJUICE”

Fantastic! That’s worth downloading. Surely.

Berikyuu! Episode 11: At Wii’s End

Another snark instalment of Ray’s imagination which is geared towards idols and Berykuu!, that is to say it’s all rather mad. This time around we have murdering and the right way to go about and dispose of all, well, of all these murders. Of course, Momo’s an old hand at this sort of thing. As if you weren’t all thinking it already. A fun read.

Um, is that hair on your head, or a really ugly hat?

Misa takes a brief look at some awful H!P hairstyles, and really, there’s so many to choose from. Misa manages to jest about a few, but you know what, I liked the Aichan style she picks apart. Wait, actually I was always too busy staring at her body in that jumper thingy to be honest. Yes, her hairstyle for Kanashimi Twightlight was certainly arresting, and maybe not for good reasons. Ha, but I like the Aika bangs on show in the post, contrary to Misa’s misgivings.

Nacchi Is Overdue…

Our very own Ray predicts Nacchi’s next scandal, and dont feel left out if the ‘Maria Ozawa’ reference is lost on you. It’s, well, it’s only really suited for certain circles. Mind you, the idea of Nacchi stabbing someone by accident isn’t at all far fetched as far as I’m willing to bet.

Feel free to drop in your own predictions. I personally think Nacchi’s about ready to start learning to drive buses.

SUMMER TIME makes NEWS frisky

This has to be the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time, no doubt. Our very own Raid brings home the idea of NEWS going all gay on each other, and he uses great screencaptures to make his point. Now, I think most boybands in general have the capacity to bat sexball with each other, even the groups I love to bits, but this is another level in ’snark’ that I didn’t think Raid had in him. It’s a tad beyond suggestive at times, but it’s so laughably naughty with it, I’m not complaining. Raid’s got his ‘cheeky’ on maximum with this one, and whilst it wont be for some, at least I can have a laugh with him.

Berikyuu! Episode 9: More Of The Same Crap

Here we have Ray’s version of Berikyuu! episode 9, and calling it bizarre is a huge misconception. The captions are, infact, totally f****** mad. Well, to give them credit they’re hilarious at certain moments. The fictioned dialogue between the C-ute and Berryz Koubou members reveal Ray’s rather twisted but deeply funny side. Granted, there are moments where I want to run away - the cups thing - but it’s usually a guilty pleasure. Recommended reading.

The TRUTH behind the Avex scandals

Raid puts on the detective gear and figures out what really happened in a select number of Avex scandals. The snark is in full effect. The Koda Kumi one is plausible - she needed a good scandal to spice things up.

My sadness is resonating like the color of tears

Kuri pits Morning Musume’s Resonant Blue PV against C-ute’s Namida no Iro. A fun snarky read that also has a lot of good points. Maimi fares quite well. Kanna, not quite so much.

In every closeup in this PV, Kanna looks like a truckstop lesbian

Her words, not mine. The winner of this match-up will likely surprise you. Recommended!

All Because of Avril Lavigne

Recommended reading. The news that Avril Lavigne is going to write (or at least be given songwriting credit alongside Butch Walker on) the forthcoming Puffy AmiYumi single “All Because of You”, isn’t sitting well with many Puffy fans, including Jeff at the Puffy blog AmiYumidas. Jeff links several other reactions (including a thread about the single and collaboration at fan site PuffyAmiYumiWorld.com and this editor’s “nasty and NSFW blog post” on the subject) to back up his assertion that Avril isn’t qualified to be involved with anything within a 100-mile radius of Puffy, and also advises Ami and Yumi not to make a big deal out of the collaboration because of Avril’s repeatedly tarnished reputation.

Was Haromoni@ Worth Watching? March 30, 2008

Another shockingly stark, but equally hilarious commentary from Broomhead regarding the latest HM@, and I’m sorry to say it Gaki fans, but she looks amazing with a moustache. Because Kamei never voted for any of the videos, broomhead labels her the Momusu troll. Some kind of wizard turtle/troll monster thing? Maybe.

As with all the girls who’ve been in Momusu and weren’t Iida or Kei, their grasp of geography truly sucks ass, and examples are given. The jab at Mika offends me though, because it appears that I’m the only one willing to date the poor girl, but I dont care! XD. Recommended reading, as always.

The Joys and Horrors of English Lyrics in Jpop

If you are an English-speaking fan of Jpop, I’m sure you have found yourself amused, horrified, or at least surprised by the questionable use of your native language in Japanese music. Jpop Addict considers the good, the bad, and the ugly side of the issue, pointing out specific artists who use English well, and those who don’t. While the piece is very much against the use of poor English in Jpop, personally I’m all for it, because I think it’s funny as hell. Whichever side you take, you’ll probably enjoy this well-written post. Recommended Reading

Was Haromoni@ Worth Watching? March 02, 2008
Manoeri becomes Soloeri
GIRL POP CRAZY

The opening line of True Life Seek’s HM@ review probably sums up the latest episode rather nicely:

Its Haromoni time! This is probably the dirtiest episode of Haromoni I’ve seen…

The whole banana thing is a ‘did I just see that’ moment, and my god JunJun, my bloody god! Takitty Milking the cow is beyond hilarious, and despite my liking Momusu’s leader quite a bit, I can only find the screen cap rather fitting. A very funny conclusion to go with the review. Oh, and Sayu! get the hell away from that pee!

The second post goes through the motions of why Manoeri has been given a solo career so soon. There’s understandable reservation, but behind some of the negativity is a distance of optomism and support. True Life Seek would rather have Manoeri rising with Ongaku Gatas still, or for her to at least stay with the unit aswell, but as he mulls through the bigger picture, he finds some method is some of the pre-jitter madness.

In the third entry, True Life Seek share’s a flier of an upcoming Perfume concert to be held at Shinjuku on the 22nd of March. Now, I have no Idea what’s going on in the picture, but it’s utterly disgusting. In fact I showed it to my friend, just to get some feed back. “the one on the right has a man…cat face going on”. Maybe it’s a bad scan or something. Anyway, we all know perfume are pretty damn fine, so I was dissapointed that I wasn’t turned on by the flier. Anyway, thanks TLS for the news.

Snarklets on 9 PVs

Recommended reading. Raid shows that he’s a heartless bastard by not being moved by any of these fine examples of Japanese music videos. And we’re all the better for it. I especially like the bodily fluid reference about Perfume (reminds me that if you don’t like the trio, they probably seem really silly), the gay joke for WaT, and the old-man jokes for Matchy.

2007 jpop predictions dissected: I am PENGIEDAMUS! … well, maybe.

5 hits is still pretty good…but what of new predictions?! Knowing guidance, please! Also, Michelle Branch? Really?

Costume Hall of Shame Busts some Bustles

This time Celestia is waging war on Bustles. She doesn’t like the way they make the, ahem, bottom look big. Maybe it’s a male thing, or maybe it’s just my thing, but I don’t think thats such a bad mishap. Sure, sometimes the bustles look like a mess, but sometimes they can be quite charming, and dare I say cute and alluring. Mind you, all the bustles on display here are rather unattractive. And there’s commentary to go with the first set of pictures. It’s probably pretty accurate too. Anyway, the point is they can look terrible, and Celestia does a great job on telling us. Short but sweet.

Doraibuchuu Mo Ara?! - H!P Stars In Cars

Just in time for version 2.0 of her blog, The Princess of Snark puts her crown back on straight and looks at newbie driver Natsumi Abe’s little fender-bender.

[Review] ‘glitter’ PV…doesn’t.

pinkocracy is apparently very disappointed in Ayumi Hamasaki’s new video for the song “glitter”, which not only borrows the title from Mariah Carey’s ill-fated film debut, but also seems to steal from Whitney Houston’s The Bodyguard.

Dick’d Johnson

I knew that Ray was going to throw in his usual lengthy dissertation on Kaori Iida’s becoming the latest Morning MILF, and I knew that someone somewhere was going to make a bad/snarky pun using her “infamous” nickname, but sure as hell wasn’t expecting them in the same post… and with a source for the pun to boot!

H!P HNPH News - Yasuda Kei in Theater and Tsuji Gives Sugiura a Go-Ahead (Hello! Non-Pro Hour)

MoMusu elder Kei Yasuda had some comments about Nozomi Tsuji’s current situation while promoting her current play, while Knocked-Up Nono herself is apparently supporting her baby daddy’s right to be gay… in a soon-to-be-released film. (Looks like we know who will be wearing the pants in that family!)

The AW Idol Index - May 20, 2007

Ray has a new weekly feature debuting at American Wota where he will post his “strictly self-indulgent look at who matters to me right this very moment and why.” And in the interest of full disclosure, he out and out admits that it’s an excuse to post eyecandy and get his snark on. And anyone who knows Ray knows that there has to be at least one Berryz and one AV idol in the list…

Tsuji pregnant, and getting married (Hello! Online)
You know MiniMoni’s not so mini anymore when… (Wings Of My Heart)
Nono, eh? (MorningBerryz’s blog)
Tsuji Will Be A Married Mommy (Some Boys! Blog)
Rumors of Tsuji’s Pregnancy (American Wota)
STOP THE PRESSES!!!! Nono’s knocked up! (Stuck In A Pagoda With Motoko Aoyama)

…and boy, does it continue! Hello! Online has the most news it can get ahold of right now. The man who plays Tsunku to our own MoMusu, Ray Mescallado, is waiting for official word (as are everyone else) from UFW. Julia at Wings of my Heart deserves a special award for Blog Post Title of the Moment and Opening Paragraph of the Moment. Some Boys! Blog points out that Tsuji’s baby daddy was in a dorama with her former MoMusu/MiniMoni bandmate Mari Yaguchi, and that him and Tsuji had been shacking up in her flat for awhile already, while both myself and MorningBerryz are still collecting our thoughts but just had to post our intial reactions.

Ai Yai Yai Idols - A Lot Can Happen In A Week

Kd plans ahead and fires off some random shots on pop idol paychecks, Aibon (again), the cover art to Koharu’s new single, the Yossi/Mikitty live cover of “Rainbow Pink”, Aika’s radio show, and MoMusu b-sides, since Her Royal Snarkyness is planning to be occupied with other matters for the rest of the week.

Rainbow Pink - Yossi and Mikitty Style

Paul of Hello! Blog shares a clip of Hitomi Yoshizawa and Miki Fujimoto performing Koharu & Sayumi’s infamous Rainbow 7 collaboration “Rainbow Pink” at MoMusu’s recent Hawaiian 10th Anniversary appearance, inadvertantly providing Mo-Wotas around the world with an Up Front Works-sanctioned “What-The-Fuck?!?” moment. If we see Shige-Pinku and Kohar-Pinku doing GAM’s “Memories” (complete with lesbian kiss) afterwards, then I’m sure Mo-Wotas worldwide will be wondering if Tsunku is smoking something stronger than Ai Kago’s beloved Virginia Slims…

C-ute Cover Art

Some Boys Blog has the cover art for C-ute’s forthcoming mini-album (2) mini ~Ikiru to Iu Chikara~ (both limited and regular editions), direct from the official Hello! Project website, and whoever scanned and uploaded the front covers seems to have taken the phrase “mini-album” way too seriously. You’ve been warned. Or you could always wait for Wikipedia or ThePPN.org’s wiki to get larger images. Or just buy the goddamn CD.