The Three Metalheads

A metal-infused take on Japanese music

Tsunku with a beard. Imagine.

That’s what the poll this time is about. Would Tsunku look silly wearing a beard? Or would he absolutely rock it? If so, what kind would suit him best? A snazzy goatee? What about a full beard adorning his sexy man-face? Or would a Hitler moustache be more up Tsunku’s alley? You tell me! If you feel that your beard knowledge is a bit limited, check out this blog of a man who’s on a very admirable mission of trying to grow every different type of beard there is!

In the mean time, here’s a good history lesson on facial hair:

Some past polls.

Well, the first poll’s results are pretty unsurprising. As expected, it looks like many of you have yet to delve into the world of Ringo. That’s alright. Just get to it sooner rather than later! And yeah, S/mileage’s debut song was pretty goddamn awesome, and the second one might just be even better! I definitely thought “Yume Miru 15sai” to be on par with Frank Lapidus‘ chest hair.

Finally, some burning Formspring questions answered by yours truly. Some Q’s were quite funny. Thanks to everyone who bothered to ask anything, feel free to keep ‘em coming!

Category: music

Q: So you hate Buono!, Hangry & Angry and even C-ute. Is there anyone in H!P you like anymore?
Ohh, good question! Now that you mention it, H!P has been kinda lackluster to me lately. I’m a big fan of Manoeri but “Onegai Dakara…” promises to be shitty. “Onna ga Medatte” was subpar, too. Yeah… H!P is consistantly disappointing me lately.

With that said, I am looking forward to S/mileage’s debut. I’m feeling good about Manoeri otherwise too, I’m confident that “Onegai Dakara…” was just a fluke. Oh, and Berryz have been solid lately! I dig everything they’ve come up with in recent times.

Update: obviously this one was answered quite a while ago. Yeah, “Onegai Dakara…” was shit, my previous confidence of Manoeri is gone as her next one promises to be shit too, “Seishun Collection” was shit, “Campus Life” was super shit, and now with “Maji Bomber!!” even Berryz have jumped the bandwagon of overflowing shit. But not all is lost! For the first time in who knows when, C-ute’s new single “Dance de Bakoon!” is sounding really cool. S/mileage was awesome with “Yume Miru 15sai” as you’ve read above. I pre-ordered their second one, too, after hearing how fun it is.

Q: How awesomely angry is Berryz Koubou’s Otakebi Boy WAO! song? I don’t know about the guitar solo, but the drum track is a fast-paced piece of epic.
“Otakebi Boy WAO!” is indeed awesome like you said. Those cool thunder sound effects and stuff in the PV make it even more bad ass.

Q: do you think you will always love idols?
No, I don’t believe I will. I’ve had plenty of experiences in the past where I’ve said “I’ll always love group X!” or “Y will always be my favorite band!” and it’s never worked out that way. Idols/idol music is most likely no different. I’ve stopped making those kinds of empty promises to myself because it’s pointless. There’ll be some other type of music that’ll steal my interest and that’s alright.

Q: Hey, just discovered your blog. Love it! Now I know of the wonder of Tokyo Jihen. Have you heard of Fonogenico? They’re a jazz/ballad type band from Japan with an awesome woman lead singer. Check them out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPqIIUtsH8s
Hey thanks a lot! Feedback such as yours makes having the blog worth it for me. I’m very glad if that post inspired you to check ‘em out, Shiina and Tokyo Jihen are definitely my top music addictions lately! I wasn’t familiar with Fonogenico, but the song you linked sounds quite pleasant, I’ll have to investigate them further. Thanks for the rec!

Q: This isn’t a question, but I urge you to check out the band Mass Of The Fermenting Dregs. I know, crazy name. IT doesn’t matter! They’re awesome. A girl bassist/vocalist and a girl guitarist. They have stand in drummers now since their original drummer, R… (question cuts off)
I’m familiar with them. Sorry to disappoint, don’t really dig them… can’t win ‘em all!

Q: I see your blog about metal and Jpop, do you enjoy any other genres?
Sure. Aside from metal and J-music… My main fandom before was prog rock (the more 70’s and Italian it got, the better!) and I never really “grew out” of it, though I don’t listen to it as much these days. Recently I’m getting very into hip hop, especially what some might call “jazz hop” in the vein of Nujabes. My fave band of all time is The Beatles so that obviously also lends itself to me appreciating other fine things in pop and rock. I think that covers the most important bits.

Q: How much blues do you jam? I heard this little piece of genius and thought of your guitar solo ranking (even though they don’t sound so bluesy now that I go back and listen to them XD): http://superfan2009.com/2009/01/30/blues-knows-no-age/
Not very much at all, but coincidentally I was just recently introduced to Robert Johnson and his stuff is just crazy addictive. I love it! I ought to check out more of especially the delta blues scene.

Q: what song(s) moves you to tears?
Not one does without the help of alcohol. I’m a manly man. That last sentence is a lie.

Q: What is your favorite song and/or album released so far this year?
As far as J-albums go, my top 3 so far is probably…
1. 9mm Parabellum Bullet – “Revolutionary”
2. Tokyo Jihen – “Sports“
3. aiko – “BABY”

Q: favorite album in the world? EVER!!!
Going to go for either “Sgt. Pepper” by The Beatles or “Blackwater Park” by Opeth.

Q: how great was Tuska?
Very. Yumi, friends, great bands and too much alcohol. Magical weekend. There’s some pics if you care, and this video of me doing what I did half the time I was there.

I was sporting my rapist look that day.

That stuff is sickening. Sickeningly delicious.

Damned corks! Always foiling my plans!

Here you go, armpit hair. Help yourself.

That’s co-blogger of the site, skald, on the right!

Who the hell is that guy?!

Moshpit of Nile, best time for taking pictures.

She wanted a kiss picture. I guess I sort of misunderstood.

Best picture ever. Look closely.

Cheers to getting cured of alcoholism!

Category: alcohol

Q: So bottle of rum and vodka placed in front of you which do you pick up first?
Vodka! Not sure I’d even touch the rum. Vodka has always been my number one fave since I started drinking.

Q: If you could go karaoke with anyone who and why? what song?
I’d go with Aya Matsuura and Tsunku. We could sing through discographies of both Ayaya and Sharan Q while consuming a ridiculous amount of alcohol. It’d be fantastic. Afterwards, me and Tsunku would end up in a love hotel.

Q: Shall we go for beer or Martini’s? I drink both. :D
I don’t drink either but, hell, if you’re buying I’m not going to complain!

Q: Okay how would you feel about a Vodka and tonic?
I had to stop reading at the “vodka” part due to uncontrollable drooling. Let’s go already!

Q: how many glasses of vodka, till your ready to be taken advantage of?
The proper question would be, “How many glasses of vodka until I start taking advantage of others?”
The answer is “Not many.”

Q: So, with the alcohol and the taking advantage. Would i have a chance at taking advantage of you or would i fail miserably?
Well, I mean sure, slip some date rape drug in my drink and it should work out. But I don’t understand… where’s the fun in taking advantage of someone without female parts?

Category: pervy

Q: So you can have any girl in any group, who and why, is it hot thighs, sexy lips or everything in between? :P
My number one favorite H!P member is of course Ayaya and she’d indeed be a most excellent choice, but let’s think about this a little more.

Thinking about current Momusu. I keep coming back to three names: Eri, Risa and Junjun. Eri and Junjun have the lovable thighs and they’re both just so insane and sexy to me, whereas Risa… I don’t think Risa has any particular features you could single out like that, but she’s just so nice of a girl! She seems like a very kind person. It’d be a different kind of sex, though. With Eri/Junjun, it’d be wild and I’d spend half the time laughing out loud at how messed up they are, whereas Risa-sex would be less of that and more “making love“, candles and all. I’d want her to feel good about surrendering that side of herself to me.

However… if it was more a serious deal instead of just a one-time sex type of thing, there’s one girl I’d consider over the others: Mikitty. The reason I’d seriously consider Miki is because, out of all H!P members past and present, she definitely seems to have the personality that’s most compatible with mine. If I was a girl idol, I would’ve handled myself exactly like Miki in TV shows and whatnot. Sure, I’m well aware that the image idols portray in public can be largely different from their real selfs. But I think it’s fair to say — or at least I’d like to believe — that in Miki’s case she showed us more than a hint of how she really is.

And if the girlfriend is reading this… all of the above was a joke. *innocent whistle*

Q: girls with long legs or girls with a tight bottom? (by wu)
Leave it to wu to ask the things that actually matter! I don’t really have a preference, but I do like my girls to not be overly tall (a partner taller than me would be a no-no) so maybe I’ll go with the tight bottom. I’ll tell you a secret though: I’m more of a boobs man rather than an ass man.

Q: Who’s an ass man? Don’t get me wrong, ass is nice, but tits are where it’s at, amirite?!
Right on. I knew plenty of ass men and it confuses me! I agree, ass is nice, but there’s something quite comforting about a nice chest.

Q: What if a woman’s boobies were where her ass was, and her ass was were he boobies were…wait…what? (by wu)
You bring up a good point here wu. Basically there’s a little bit of both boobs man and ass man in all of us, because asses are like tits. Just like there’s two tits, two halves also make up a bum. Anything less than that just feels half-assed. See what I did there?

Q: massive dd size tits or little a’s??
Unexpected as it may sound coming from a chest man… little A’s! The best size really is the kind that fits the palm of your hand. Anything more than that is just showing off.

Q: Ever have Cyber sex? or does that sound weird to you?
Nah, no interest. I’m good with the old-fashioned way.

Q: What is your favourite porn?
Anything that still manages to surprise me. Oh, and with people preferably. Maybe it’s just closed-minded of me, but lego porn wasn’t that huge of a turn-on.

Category: language

Q: sometimes you’re tweeting in japanese, are you fluent? how long have you been learning? any tips?
If this is in response to one of my latest tweets, that was just alcohol and me pasting song lyrics!

I do like to learn Japanese but I’m by no means close to fluent. Not sure how long I’d say I’ve been learning. I guess I got “serious” around early 2009 when I started using smart.fm and the Genki books, but I haven’t used the two in ages now and only made it to around chapter five-ish with Genki. You could say I started learning as early as mid-2005 when I started watching anime. While at that point I wasn’t interested in learning Japanese, that’s when I first began hearing the language — which is also how I learned English (that is to say, constantly hearing it in English-language movies, TV shows, music and so on).

As of late, I’m mainly learning by watching drama and other Japanese TV without subtitles. That’s definitely my favorite way. H!P radio shows, mixi and Skype are fun as well. For my kanji studies, I use Anki. The Japanese girlfriend who refuses to speak to me in English helps, too.

I’d say I’m alright at listening comprehension, somewhat passable at speaking (on the good days) and — thanks to my laughable kanji knowledge — absolutely shit at reading and writing. Tips? I’m not the right person to ask… there’s lots of sites out there by people much more qualified who can help you. One thing I’ll say is, just do what works for you and keep at it. がんばるぞー！

Q: how hard would it be to learn Finnish?
I found a link with some sort of difficulty ratings for native English speakers. Apparently it’s not even supposed to be super hard!

I’d have to say though that I think it’s a bit silly to worry about that kinda thing really. Shit, you already learned one language if you’re reading this, how hard can it be to learn another? If there’s a language you want to learn, just get started, keep at it diligently, and eventually you’ll find that you don’t suck at it nearly as much as you used to. And it’ll feel good.

Before you run away screaming, let me start by saying this post isn’t about arguing who is better.

Whether you’re a fan of AKB48 or a fan of Morning Musume (or both), I think everyone is by now aware of how quickly AKB48 has risen to handing Morning Musume’s asses to them as far as popularity goes. Aside from the few remaining deluded MM-fans who are trying to think up whatever bullshit excuse they can to explain how AKB are using “dirty tactics” to market their product, I’m guessing everyone else recognizes how thoroughly they are kicking Momusu’s ass in the sales department. If not, let me give it to you in the form of some numbers.

The first single AKB released that compares to current Momusu in sales was late 2008’s Namida Oogoe. It sold 48k copies in its first week. Since then, the numbers have only been on the rise. It was evident that their popularity was going up with Namida Surprise! and RIVER selling well in excess of 100k copies (over 200k with RIVER), but I think it was finally with Sakura no Shiori and its first week sales of 317k copies that drew a collective “holy shit” from the people who actually follow this sort of thing. The last time Momusu actually managed that kind of a number was with Mr. Moonlight all the way back in 2001. Back when Yuko Nakazawa was, like, not yet old.

And now, Ponytail to Chouchou, released a month ago, broke the half million mark with a ridiculous 513k sold on its first week. That number is more than just a few of Arashi’s releases as of late. Yep, you heard me right: Arashi. Who the hell sells more than Arashi?!

Well, AKB48 does.

What prompted me to make this post is the conversation in this H!O thread about Momusu’s newest single, Seishun Collection. Most importantly, I’d like to paste the good sir Himalia’s post (with typos fixed!) that sort of started the conversation.

Seriously is anybody that surprised by the low sales?

I don’t like to say it but the group is fundamentally on a downwards spiral (in the big picture). They need to change so much, it’s more than just a song. There are so many factors involved and they have lost so much of their fanbase that it might be very hard to ever get some of them back, even drawing in new ones is hard enough.

They have made no real attempt at fixing the issues with the group, almost like the management is hell bent on using a very specific buisness plan and won’t change it since that would indicate that they got it wrong all these years.

I have a question here, and the whole reason I’m making this post is to hear your thoughts on this. It’s nothing too serious, just something to ponder on to pass the time. Himalia says there are things very off with how the management is dealing with Momusu today. He notes that there need to be major changes if they ever wish to be a serious contender to AKB48 again.

What sort of changes exactly would there there need to be for that to happen?

 

A bit about myself. I’m first and foremost a Momusu/H!P fan. It’s not that I’m trying to remain “faithful” to H!P. Firstly, I’m not of the mindset that sales or popularity have any relevance as to how good or bad a group is. Secondly, I’m not approaching the fandom from the typical wota perspective: I’m not a wota, I’m merely just a music nerd. A music nerd who likes looking at cute girls doing cute things (without imagining that they’re all safekeeping their chastity for me.) As such, there’s no moral obligation for me to either keep liking H!P nor to embrace AKB.

I don’t hate AKB, but saying I love them would be untrue. Sure, I check out everything they release, I’ve made efforts to catch them on fun shows like Music Fighter, and I’ve even taken the first step needed to become a fan of any idol group: picking my oshimen. That’d be Sayaka Akimoto, by the way — something about chicks that look like they want to kick my ass that feels delightful to me.

Still, to call me a fan would almost be an insult to actual fans.

I ask you again. What would Morning Musume have to do to turn the situation around and, you know, actually sell decently and be taken seriously again? Well, to answer my own question frankly…

…

Shit if I know.

While I obviously do recognize Momusu’s poor state of affairs today, I’m not able to pinpoint the cause of why exactly things are the way they are. Obviously it’s been a long time coming and it’s likely to be a result of a long list of bad choices on the management’s side.

To try and identify that cause, let’s briefly compare the groups a little bit.

What’s the most obvious difference between the two? Think! That’s right: the size. At 48 members, AKB48 has six times the girls Momusu does. Question is though, does that really hold any significance? Really really? I mean, aside from the obligatory “holy dick-shit there is a lot of you!” comment from talk show hosts whenever AKB48 are there?

Sure, the argument could be made that with more girls, there’s more to choose from and thusly more potential targets for fans to spend money on. It’s a fair argument to make and I suppose it’s true, but on the flipside, with that many girls it can be significantly more difficult to really see to the “eye” of the group and actually get a feel for any one girl among them. I mean, even learning to put names to that many faces can be an undertaking, let alone learning what each girl is like.

With Momusu and their current total of eight girls, for them it’s not as big of an issue. However, that in turn does sort of tie in to one of the most common heard complaints said about Momusu today: that none of the girls have any personality. Which brings us to the next thing…

What else? What else does AKB have that Momusu doesn’t, aside from that extra truckful of cute asses girls? Well, what they have is an entertaining TV show. Actually, don’t they have several? And not only that, but as many AKB fans will attest, their show is actually watchable. I know, right?! Unbelievable! I’ve seen clips and it does seem like something I could watch even without being an AKB fan. Matter of fact, just before I started writing this post, I saw this clip of AKBINGO (I think it was) with two masked men violently smashing and smearing a lush cream pie against the face of a helpless Acchan. She was moaning like a little animal being violated when someone asked her how the pie was. Acchan proceeded to lick some off her face before declaring it pretty tasty.

I was shitting my pants laughing.

Momusu now has a new show that they share with other H!P artists. Bijo Gaku, I think it was called. I hesitantly checked out the first episode and it was exactly what I feared it would be: a rehash of the shittiness of Haromoni@ and Yorosen. I would rather watch Thai tranny porn than another fifty episodes of the girls visiting obscure fish markets or spending the whole episode talking about stupid fucking train station lunch boxes. And I don’t even particularly like trannies!

Still, I don’t feel that this explains the current mismatch in the groups’ popularities either. See, it wasn’t always like that for Momusu. As the old-timers (or the new fans that feel inclined to do their homework on Momusu history) know, they used to have a long-running, fun show once, too.

Hello!Morning was actually entertaining and while that, too, eventually degenerated into stupid, repetitive bullshit, I think it’s fair to say Momusu’s sales started going down the drain long before that happened. Before we ended up at the derivative “World Pucchi Games” and constant guests in the form of boring comedians and unimpressive magicians, there were years of pure awesomeness. Epic food/karaoke/monomane battles, shitty but hilarious acting in “Haromoni Theater“, girls going “on trial” and getting electrocuted or gassed if found guilty, brutal boke/tsukkomi comedy in the “Hello Pro News” segment, and Konno Asami crying because she didn’t get to eat anything. Again.

‘Twas a great show. Didn’t stop their sales from starting to dwindle down to nothingness, though.

And then… then there’s the music. I’m not confident in my ability to speak on this objectively. As the longtime readers of the blog probably know, I’m a rabid Tsunku fanboy. I’m not going to lie to you: I love the man and do still firmly think he’s the king as far as idol pop composers go. Still, not even me can with good conscience say he isn’t without his flaws. The frequency at which he’s been putting out mediocre or downright unlistenably crappy songs lately is a little mind-boggling.

I don’t know about you, but I’d hardly call the most recent musical output of either H!P nor AKB unforgettably awesome. Maybe it’s my own fault for trying to take idol pop seriously as music. Admittedly, it does feel like I’m banging my head against a wall at times. Still, I don’t like to think that way. For all the mediocre material that gets released, there’s also so much of the good stuff to even it out. I don’t feel it’s a wasted effort to sift through the occasional Onna ga Medatte Naze Ikenai or Sakura no Shiori if I’m rewarded with a Shouganai Yume Oibito or a Baby! Baby! Baby! once in a while. I feel that it’s very much worth it. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that some of my favorite pop songs ever have spawned from idol groups and their songwriters.

Still, at the end of the day — and it hurts me to say this as a music nerd — let’s not even pretend that the quality of music actually has much relation as to how well idol groups sell. If a group is on a high, it’s on a high. Seishun Collection sold a measly 34k on its first week. Is it really any wonder? I mean come on, the song is such a fillery piece of a shit. I’d be angry at myself had I preordered it.

Still, do you think even for a second that AKB48 wouldn’t have managed that half a million in sales had they been the ones to release Seishun Collection instead of Ponytail to Chouchou?

Because I don’t.

That about wraps up my thoughts on this. I didn’t get very far in answering my own question. If there’s one thing that does feel kinda-sorta plausible to me, it’s that bit about TV presence. AKB48 are currently able to display their members’ personalities in a fun and newbie-friendly way which I’d say has worked and is working to attract more fans to them by the day.

Still… does that alone explain the difference of Momusu barely scraping by while AKB is busy outselling someone like Arashi? Like I said earlier, Momusu used to have this weapon too with Hello!Morning and frequent Utaban visits that were absolutely hilarious and memorable. This can’t be more than one small piece of a larger puzzle. It wouldn’t be that simple… or would it?

Maybe some of you have gotten farther than me in thinking this over. So tell me, faithful readers…

Why is it that even if on first glance Morning Musume and AKB48 might not seem that dissimilar on the surface, AKB is yet able to outsell MM by such a landslide? What is AKB’s “catch”? And most importantly, what would you say are the main things Momusu’s management would need to change or work on, were they ever to hope of achieving the level of success AKB48 are currently enjoying?

Assuming it’s not already far too late for that, of course. Play along a little.

MorningBerryz recently held a fun giveaway. The premise of it was, in her own words:

If you had just a minute to think about it (no cheating XD!) what five songs would you choose if you were trying to turn a friend onto J~Pop music for the very first time? “The first time”…..can leave such an everlasting impression~*……the mood…..the gentle caresses…………sorry let’s get back to the task @ hand, music え～へ(*≧▽≦)♪！

If you’ve got a minute please share~* your 5 J~Pop songs which you’d play to turn a friend onto some of your favorite music♪♪。

I took part, but I opted not to post my choices here as frankly I wasn’t sure if they were any good. I mean, the objective with these would be not only to introduce but to turn on friends to J-pop, yes?

First of all, I’m almost positive none of these songs would do anything to further any of my real life friends’ taste in J-pop. Whether it’s because my friends are metalheads/post-rockers, or they’re not fans of pop, or because they think they know better, or because they’ve made an (un?)conscious decision to not give a fair chance to little girls music, or because it’s just that the songs would simply sound like uninspired crap to them, the fact is that I doubt any of my friends would hold even a passing interest in J-pop after hearing these tunes. Secondly, even setting aside my real life friends and considering people who’d be a little more receptive to the joys of Asian pop, I was a little unsure if the songs I picked would even appeal to the average music fan of today.

Now, with all that said, I did manage to win second place with my five choices. Hooray! In light of this, I sort of figured that perhaps my picks weren’t all awful after all. Thusly, I’d like to share them with you now. Use them to introduce friends to J-pop or, alternatively, call me crazy and shout at me for picking a bunch of old ass songs you’ve barely even heard of. Without further ado…

 

Recently I’ve been really into J-pop from “the good old days.” As many people into J-pop from the 70’s, 80’s and early 90’s will attest, there was definitely something special going on in that scene those days. I’m not saying the J-pop of today is any worse or any better, I’m saying I think it’s a different sort of flavor is all. What’s more, music from that era could be perfect for introducing someone to J-pop with. Assuming your friend isn’t completely adverse to everything pre-00’s.

In any case, all my choices are exclusively oldies.

 

Hiromi Ohta – Momen no Handkerchief (‘75):
To me, this is what J-pop is basically all about.

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Kazumasa Oda – Love Story wa Totsuzen ni (‘91):
Let’s just say it’s not by accident that this is among Japan’s top 10 singles of all time.

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Princess Princess – DIAMONDS (‘89):
The H!P fans of you will of course recognize this from the Champloo album. As is almost always the case, the original is miles away better. Coincidentally, this is the best performance of this that I’ve ever seen. Does it get more 80’s than this? For a history lesson on Puri Puri, you need not look any further than MB’s blog: 13 years after…Princess Princess still Japan’s greatest female band~.

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KAN – Iezu no I LOVE YOU (‘92):
KAN is a lovely man and I want his babies. I’m not exactly sure how that’d work out but since it’s KAN the man, we would find a way. Want more KAN goodness? Click and click.

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Momoe Yamaguchi – Playback Part 2 (‘78):
This list wouldn’t be complete without (arguably) the biggest Japanese idol there ever was. And is this a fierce performance or what? Personally, I love Momoe but it’s completely unfair that even at 14 years old when she first debuted, she’s always sounded manlier than me. Dammit.

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That wasn’t all that shabby now, was it? Just in case these five tunes left you dazed, confused and craving for something a bit more on the modern side of things, please do refresh your ears with Arashi’s newest song Monster — this is the single I gleefully snatched from MB by finishing second in the giveway. This could very well just be the best Arashi tune in, umm, forever.

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As a self-proclaimed specialist on the matter of what pleases me the most, and also as a self-proclaimed genius, I’ve now chosen the FAKSM of this day. It’s not a special day. Rather, maybe a bit bland? Life’s a learned routine, a monotomous practice at boredom, and well, this day was no different from any other day – really, this day could perhaps be categorized in the “the most boring days” –section of the LIFE-archives.. An archive lost in time, knowingly forgotten. So it goes..

Now I’d love to break the steady movement by metaphorically taking a imagenary rifle and putting a bullet in your hypothetical patella, shaking the very foundations of your belief system and presenting subversily a FAKSM worthy of the moniker – I’d love to do just that.

Wouldn’t you just rather contemplate suicide? I chuckled after writing that. I’ll keep it as a pet. The sentence, that is. I’ll chain it up here. Here in the stream. Let’s all chuckle a bit at it. Give it a little fire. Throw a snack at it. Pat it on the back. Let’s all rather contemplate the thing, eh?

It’s a drug of choice. A haunting imagenarium. A lyrical composition. It’s the reality that haunts me. Illusion that drives me. It’s not a battle, it’s a beating. An event where I’m perpetually getting my ass handed out to me. With a forgivin’ eye. “You’ll do it, someday. Trust me.” But lo, do I love the metaphysical pain? I do. And I’ll voluntarily offer my ass to be raped by it, over and over and over again. With a smile on my face. So it goes..

The primary thing when you take a sword in your hands is your intention to cut the enemy, whatever the means. Whenever you parry, hit, spring, strike or touch the enemy’s cutting sword, you must cut the enemy in the same movement. It is essential to attain this. If you think only of hitting, springing, striking or touching the enemy, you will not be able actually to cut him. More than anything, you must be thinking of carrying your movement through to cutting him.

miyamoto musashi (1584- 1645)

It’s a depressing sight to behold. A grey sunset that burns everything through and through from horizon to horizon unforgivingly. Bleak. A dead son cries the hung father, the peeled skin of a raped mother holding the warmth of burnt children. The clichéd beacon of truth, the lone wanderer, the poet, contemplates the picturesque scenery. This tune playing on the background from a broken radio. The distortion of life on the melodies. The record skips and creeks. It all suits the purpose.

Now the smoky bar. The quiet music. The perfect lady companion and the background that is incomprehensible behind her. Everything she said a blurry recollection. Don’t ask for specifics. You veer the discussion into music. This music. The atmosphere is perfect though you remember none of it. The music diminishes into mere ambient noise. A bark in the night and the wet embrace. The eloquence of the night distills you with warmth and beauty. War, death, famine. Where? Not here.

The hairy hand and the milky ejaculation. The greasy hair and the bland whiskey. The yellow rag and the creaking chair. The satori reached and realized in a second. The depressed solipsist, the Cartesian homunculi, the Idiot and the Tetragrammaton. A power failure. No agony, just an early solitude. The music plays.

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The poet realizes it. The warrior. The shaman. The scientist. The Marxist. The drunk. The junkie. The queer. The courtesan. The artist. The whale. The bird. Do you? Do I?

Homo Fiat.

Alright, this is Henkka writing this to you fresh off the, er, dingy bus from the first H!P-related show in Finland of all time. I’m going to type up my thoughts on the show right now later than later.

I was among the first group of people to buy the tickets to the show as soon as it was announced. Pretty much the second the word got out, I was out buying tix to the show for me and two friends I’d successfully got into H!P sometime earlier. If you want me to be honest with you though, I wasn’t completely 100% excited about the show — I mean, I love both Yossie (who is the first MM member I loved when I first got into H!P) and Rika (who’s, well, pretty much one of my most loved H!P members of all time now) but I wasn’t quite into their music that much.

However, my expectations got an odd kickstart shortly before the show. As you know, several H!P sites including Int’l Wota, JPHiP and Hello!Blog were giving out chances to ask questions from Rika and Yossie themselves during the show. I figured, “Whoa this is pretty cool! … but ah well, I’ll just let the young’uns ask away their Q’s“…

That’s when Paul of Hello!Blog tweeted he was still looking for people to ask questions from the group, less than 24 hours before the actual Helsinki show! This is when I tweeted away my question to him. Flash forward to the actual show…

I was in a great mood! I’ve been to lots of shows at Tavastia — trust me — and it just seemed so surreally cool to be actually hearing Morning Musume songs blasting from the PA before the band! Admittedly, I did have a few drinks before (and during) the show — I was flat out frightened about the thought of seeing Yossie and Rika eye-to-eye and asking them my question — but I tried my best to act civil towards the people attending especially because the audience seemed to be made up of younger fans, and that’s alright. It was cool seeing lots of H!P fans in attendance, including JPHiP admins daigong and Masa (and others of JPHiP!), shirenu, BBeast, sugapp, Laura Vanamo, a good deal of Japanese fans… and hell, a whole bunch of other people! My only regret is not getting to drink with that many of them after the show.

In any case, as far as the show goes, the setlist was similar to the previous night at Berlin.
That is to say…

I’ve said this before: I’m not the world’s biggest fan of h&A’s music, but you have to understand: the live feel of it all and actually hearing these songs live made a huge difference for me. My personal faves were the start of the show, the unholy trio of Top Secret, Sadistic Dance and Mr. Monkey, as well as of course sickeningly awesome version of The☆Peace! where, yes, even I had to start headbanging to the tune of H!P music to the amusement (and annoyance?) of other attendants. But I mean, shit, that’s the reason for having my long hair in the first place, right?

After the magnificent The☆Peace!, it was time for the audience questions. On the Helsinki gig, it was six people who got to ask questions — me included. Before that started I was drunkenly wandering around the venue, happily wasting my time, until the very kind daigong pointed out to me that I needed to get my ass to the actual designated waiting area. He in an ever-so-friendly way proceeded to push me all the way there. (daigong, how did I ever manage without you?!)

I got on last in the line which was alright by me, and honestly for the life of me I can not right now remember the questions the other five before me asked (I’ll edit them in case anyone comments them somewhere!) (all questions now added below!), however I do remember someone asking Rika to do a “happi～～～♪♫” pose (…which I also couldn’t resist asking for myself) before I gathered up my courage and asked my (abbreviated) question in Japanese which was something like:

“もし将来にチャンスがあれば、二人は自分で作詞・作曲に挑戦したいですか？” (which translates to something like, “If you had the chance, would you two like to compose your own songs in the future?“

The answer was, interestingly enough, something like…

Yossie: “…Yes.”
Rika: “Yes!”
Me: “Um… what kind of a song?”
Rika: “Rock!!”
Me: “Ah, that’s cool!”

Hahaha. Perhaps not quite as in-depth as I imagined the reply to be but psssh, whatever! If Rika says it’s a rock song, then it’s a goddamned m’fuckin’ rock song, and that’s all that it is. I’m in no position to be second guessing their answer.

• The other person to ask a question in Japanese was Kio. In her own words: “I was second at the line and asked in japanese which style they like, hangry&angry or ongaku gatas. Well, I got answers “both” from them…anyway, I was sooooooo happy when Rika commented my japanese is great<3 Yossie’s face was funny when I started talking japanese, it was like O____O haha.“
• RandomReader reports: “I remember someone asked what superpowers they’d like to have. Yossie said she’d like to fly and Rika said something about wanting foods to appear before her whenever she’s thinking about them.“
• Someone (possibly shirenu?) asked if there’s any other H!P songs H&A would like to cover in their style. They answered Shabondama and Mr. Moonlight which both drew cheers from the crowd, and rightfully so. (A “death tracks” version of Mr. Moonlight would be pretty damned satanic if you asked me). Also, Yossie did a bit of SEXY BOY including the “ue ue!”
• Someone else asked if there’s songs by other artists they’d like to cover. They replied Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga, with Rika demonstrating her awesomeness by doing a bit of the “po-po-po-poker face po-po-poker face” thing.
• Actually the first person to ask a question was JPH!P admin Masa. He did a shout-out to JPH!P which drew some excited cheers, and his question was regarding their thoughts on Finland. Rika excitedly shouted something about moomin, which she happily got to meet (sort of) at the Finnish airport the following day:

After the Q&A, they still had the two-shot opportunity for two lucky participants, and I swear to you right now: the first one was off by two damned numbers and I would’ve gotten my shot with the two. I swear. The last number was “zero” and the number on my ticket was “two”. The guy that actually did win it, was a goddamned guy that I myself introduced to H!P’s music a little more than year before. Life is so unfair. To make things worse? As soon as he got on-stage, the little bastard proceeded to actually put his arms around Rika & Yossie for the photo to which I angrily shouted (in Japanese) something like, “you little bastard, I’m going to kill you after the show” (which drew a few chuckles from the non-日本語 challenged of the crowd). But I mean seriously? Putting his arms around the girls? Who does he think he is — Tsunku? That little fucker.

Now, if it makes any of you feel any better… I can personally attest to the fact that the very same guy was later that evening getting wasted at the bar I was at, throwing up on the floor of said bar, cleaning said puke off the floor himself, being thrown out of the bar and having to take a taxi cab home. Serves him right. Sakari, if you’re reading this, you’re no longer my friend.

The after-party was amazing! I was really hoping to hook up with daigong, Masa and the other JPHiP guys but unfortunately I lost sight of them at some point. We went to the nearby Henry’s Pub with me, a couple of H!O friends, a couple of Japanese fans, and a whole bunch of Chinese sportsmen/women(?!) who couldn’t speak a word of English, Japanese or Finnish if their life depended on it. A great time was had by all!

This being the first time that I was at a H!P-related show (or a Japanese artist’s show for that matter!), I can not stress how much fun I had! I’d like to thank everyone involved in making the show happen, as well as Paul of Hello!Blog for giving me a chance to actually get to personally ask the girls something and, you know, making eye contact with Rika Ishikawa.

That was pretty freakin’ awesome. Thank you!