Beat Laments The World

A metal-infused take on Japan & music

Welcome to the slightly madcap and insane world of Momoclo’s little sister group…

Like Momoclo, they’re all on the Stardust agency, an agency best known for throwing away talent like a 5* restaurant throws away perfectly good food. Also like Momoclo, they have the skills of Maeyamada Ken’ichi writing most of their songs for them. What follows is perhaps an experiment in minor insanity. While Momoclo seem to be naturally a bunch of spanners, probably caused by the nature of roadtripping to perform tiny concerts in a dingy little van, Ebichuu seem a bit more sane, probably due to the fact that they’re all members of Stardust’s 3B Junior and actually have a normal manager. As a result, their songs seem to be even more insane than Momoclo’s, just to make up for it.

I don’t really know much more about them that that, but this brings me to the reason I actually made this post. They’re having a major label debut (DefStar, so I wonder if they’ll do what they did to AKB…), and the Bside is this complete mess of a song which is fucking awesome:

私立恵比寿中学 『放課後ゲタ箱ロッケンロールMX』

Damn that’s pretty metal.

The A-side, if you care, is here:

私立恵比寿中学 – 仮契約のシンデレラ [HD]

Not quite as insane, but still a bit weird, having a waltz in the middle.

Anyway, I shall be keeping an eye on these girls with great interest. Especially if they get nearly as awesome as Momoclo.

Speaking of Momoclo, I came across this heavy and grim as fuck remix of Mouretsu. Make of that what you will.

That is a disgusting post title.

I’m sure all you idol loving types are aware of the group Sakura Gakuin. I’ve mentioned them once or twice on my blog — BABYMETAL is one of their sub-groups — but other than that, I don’t think much of them. Same old story, lacking songwriting quality and all that jazz I always babble on about. However, they have another sub-group where I find they do not have that problem.

I’d like you to meet Twinklestars.

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I don’t do this very often. Or, indeed, at all.

Well, that’s a lie, I did it once, in 2009. But still, it’s like a very very good beer. Hard to come across.

“So, what the fuck is he rambling about now?” I hear you think. Or rather, not hear, but percept.

Well, I’m going to do an entire post about one idol. A little shrine, if you will.

I’m not doing it on Luscious Idolicious because I think, somehow, that the readership here will appreciate her slightly more than the viewers (hesitate to call most of my hits readers) on LI, considering their usual methods of finding the place is “[insert idol] naked”, “[insert idol] barefoot”, or “fappin away turn on loli oniichan voice” (I have no fucking idea).

So, anyway, allow me to introduce her.

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On March 7th, 2012, BABYMETAL will unleash their most grim and unholy CD Debut, “Ii Ne!”, along with those kvlt practitioners of necro blasphemies, “Kiba of Akiba”, as an infernal split release with which to plague the earth.

So went the intro line I wrote for Dean over at Yonasu which he didn’t use. But anyway, Babymetal are back, this time with a split-single (how metal is that?) with some silly Wota-ish Death Pop group.

I didn’t bother writing about it until now, as there wasn’t much to write about.

Now, the PV’s out. I grabbed the TS file, fiddled with it a lot then uploaded it to Dailymotion, so here, enjoy:

So, first thing this reminds me of is Blood Stain Child. Techno Metal, with a hint of Gothenburg-ish Death Metal. Except that weird assed “take the piss out of rapper” bit. And the vocoding on some of the vocals. And trying to pass off the deathgrowls as Sumetal’s work.

But still, as I said in my last post, it shows that Japan still hasn’t lost its touch for genre-fuckery. Much as it’s not the best metal ever, nor is it decent techno, it’s idols and it’s amazingly silly just because of that. For Momoclo, it’s even more bizarre, as they’re all psychotic. With Sakugaku, you don’t have quite as much insanity, and Sumetal’s fast approaching the end of middle-school, which is Sakugaku’s “too old, gtfo” age. So Babymetal’s time is limited, unless they rotate the members or something. But still, that they pull this off at their age is cool. Now just need a better songwriter for them. So, question time, which metal composer would write the best songs for them? My money’s on Ihsahn or Heavy Devy.

I’m rambling now, seemingly.

Also, their kitsune is weak. Do some proper horns.

Honestly, I would have preferred that Ijime! Dame! Zettai! were released. From what I’ve heard of it, despite it sounding sort of X Japan-ish, it’s a stronger song than either Ii Ne! or Doki-Doki Morning. Plus it has a wall of death when they play it live.

Fuck yea.

Obviously spurred on by Henkka’s last couple of posts, Momoclo have decided to join in the action with their wonderful new rearrangement of that Christmas Bside called Santasan on their previous single, Roudou Sanka (also worth a listen if you’re into Kinniku Shoujotai or The Go! Team, as Ohtsuki Kenji wrote the lyrics and Ian Parton did the music).

Anyway, here is the “Bloody Christmas” version of Santasan:

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Straight from the start, bells and doomyness remind of Sabbath, but more evilly of a group called Legions of Crows from my hometown of Salisbury who release Christmas songs every year. Doom Metal Christmas songs. Sometimes featuring Paul Di’anno, but I digress. Having jingle bells la’d over the top is hilarious. Then death metal as fuck. Blastbeats and heavy riffs. Then Momoclo vocals being happy and cute over it… This is a niche market that I think could work, need to look into it.

Honestly, this puts Babymetal to shame. And everything on my Top 50 Metal Idol Songs list. Even has a random death grunt in here somewhere. Riffs are actually pretty cool death metal riffs, with a hint of groove at points. Hint of a black metal riff somewhere, but still, this just takes everything idols have been slowly building up to for the past couple of years and melds it all in together. Under a Christmas song.

I think no one would be too pissed off if I said this is more metal than Cannibal Corpse.

Then Santa starts raping and murdering the girls or something, while death grunting “hohoho”. Completely “wtf” and “rofl” at the same time. Honestly can’t think of what more to write because I’m still too busy being in awe at how amazing it is and then giggling at the silliness of it all.

Of course, this being Momoclo no doubt they’re giggling at the silliness of it all too, but then again, on their upcoming next single that’s out in March, “Mouretsu Uchuu Koukyoukyoku Dainana Gakushou ‘Mugen no Ai’” (if you wondered, this means something like “Violent Universe Symphony, Seventh Movement ‘Infinite Love’”, just proving their psycho status even further) they have Marty Friedman playing guitar, and it sounds something like a cross between Nightwish’s choirs, Megadeth’s guitar playing (as you’d expect), random Jpop, bit of Queen, Blind Guardian and some random Vis Kei with added syncopation in the chorus. If you click this within the next two weeks it might still be on youtube. So I’m guessing that despite the ever growing encroachments of Kpop and that generic “sound”, Jpop’s obsession with metal and general genre-fuckery isn’t quite over yet.

Thank fuck.