The Three Metalheads

A metal-infused take on Japanese music

Also known as the Top 5 most underrated H!P songs. That’s the family friendly title.

First things first, though. The Intl Wota 2008 Awards are through and wow, I actually won the award for Best Series! Apart from that, I was also nominated in three other damned categories, too. My heartfelt thanks go to all you people who nominated or voted for me! As a thank you of sorts, I present you with the next installation of the award-winning Top 5 Series. *chuckles at self*

 

Before I start, I’d just like to say… don’t even bother replying with “Hey, I love that song! You’re not alone, Henkka! It’s been one of my favorites ever since I became a H!P fan.” It’s frustrating! I know doing a ranking like this is bound to attract people desperate to exclaim their love for these songs, but just don’t. If you like any of these songs your opinion is null and void, just like mine. You and me, let’s keep enjoying these songs alone under the belief that no one else does! It’ll be our little secret. Our “thing.”

Oh and hey, I’d be interested in hearing what you guys think are the most underrated tracks, too. Let me know. But let us waste no more time. First up…

 

Honorary mention to Aya Matsuura’s YOKOHAMA SING A SONG. If there’s one Ayaya B-side that’s SEVERELY overlooked, it’s this one. Go listen to it! Also, damn you people, am I the only one who actually liked Miki Fujimoto’s Okitegami? I wonder, I really do…

 

5th: Taiyou to Ciscomoon – HEY! Mahiru no Shinkirou:

Among the ranks of Hello! Project, I’d say Taiyou to Ciscomoon are behind only Sheki-Dol in  terms of underappreciatedness. And eh, no one even knows Sheki-Dol so fuck that sorry excuse for a group. But the fact that T&C are so obscure is a shame as they’re really a group worth listening to, much more so than some of the more recent H!P units. COUGH FUCKING BUONO JESUS CHRIST THIS UNIT IS SO FUCKING OVERRATED AND BORING I THINK I’M GOING TO GOUGE MY EYES OUT AND TAKE A SHIT WITHOUT FLUSHING, COUGH. Oh sorry about that, I need to get me some cough drops or something.

HEY! Mahiru no Shinkirou was the last single by Taiyou to Ciscomoon, or T&C Bomber as they were referred at one point, and probably one of their better ones. It is a fucked up tune, I’ll tell you that much. Definitely one of the ones weirder ones where you just have to wonder what the hell Tsunku was thinking. Has a very sort of Eastern flavor to it with a nearly sitar-like instrument in there (though not quite) combined with all sorts of craziness.

 

4th: Aya Matsuura – Osentaku:

Perhaps the reason why this song is so underrated and obscure is because it was never actually released; it was only aired once or twice on Ayaya’s radio show whose name escapes me now. The thing that makes this song special? The fact that Ayaya actually made it herself. I don’t know if that means she both composed it and wrote the lyrics or just one of the two, but she did have SOMETHING to do in its creation. I just like to think she was involved in the composition process somehow. And hey, it’s not hard to imagine she was: call me crazy but it does sound somehow very Ayaya-like in all its quirky innocence. Listen for yourself.

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Regardless of what Aya actually did with it, it’s certainly a fun, catchy little tune. Give it a listen or two and I swear the chorus will stick to your head like a moth to a flame or SB’s semen on a print-out Maeda Yuuka stalker picture.

 

3rd: Country Musume – Futari no Hokkaido:

Everyone knows the later Country Musume songs such as Hajimete no Happy Birthday! or Shining Itoshiki Anata, and while that stuff is all fine and good, that to me was very removed from the original idea of Country Musume. Not that it meant country songs per se, but the idea was “Country Girls from Hokkaido,” with at least some kind of a countryside theme going on. Note that Rika wasn’t even from Hokkaido! Anyway, at first they took this idea quite seriously, even sending the first generation on a training camp in Hokkaido where more so than dancing and singing practice they – you guessed it – did things like farming, taking care of the crop and milking cows. Heck yeah! Leave it to Hello! Project to be logical about this shit!

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But like I said, the early stuff definitely stayed true to the spirit of Country Musume. The first PV is delightfully “country” with lots of the aforementioned stuff going on as well as plenty of cooking, greenery, ugly doggies and other animals, hay, drinking milk, naked horseback riding*… all that good stuff. This is where it all started, this anthem for Hokkaido. This was the only single released with this line-up and the starting point for my personal favorite, Rinne, who’s just adorable!

Of course, featured here is also the lovely Hiromi Yanagihara (above) who tragically passed away in a car crash merely a week before this single was released. She was only my age, 19. I’m just glad they decided to go ahead and release this single anyway, in Hiromi’s memory. She is to my knowledge the only person in H!P to have died, though do correct me if I’m wrong. After that, Country Musume’s future looked bleak for a while as Azusa Kobayashi left only Rinne in the group, opting for the ‘callous whore‘ route of selling her body in nude photobooks instead. Hey, not like it’s a bad career move, I’m just bitter about not having seen the pics. Thankfully though, Rinne wanted to carry on the Country Musume legacy and actually did so for the next two singles, Yukigeshiki and Hokkaido Shalala, all by herself. She was then joined by Asami for the single Koi ga Suteki na Kisetsu after which all hell broke loose with the rikas, konnos and mikittys coming and going. Well, like I said, I enjoyed that stuff equally as much, but these first four singles are the underrated ones and I could’ve really picked any one of them here.

Oh, and one thing worth mentioning is the completely cheesy B-side to this single, Morning Gyuunyuu. This is a country-rap version of Morning Coffee, complete with banjo, rapping and motherfucking cows mooing. Hilariously bad and one of the single most fucked up things I’ve heard come out of H!P. Tsunku is the craziest bastard I know, but I love the guy.

* = Just a ploy to get you bastards to watch the damn video.

 

2nd: Morning Musume – A MEMORY OF SUMMER ‘98:

Ah, introducing people to long lost random ass Morning Musume B-sides. It’s what I love and do best. It’s a beautiful, beautiful song, and one sung by the 1st generation of Morning Musume exclusively (even though the 2nd generation had already joined by that point.) If there’s one song I’d love to see performed at the Elder Club’s last concert (which is only two days away!) it might just be this one. Hmmm, though Ai no Tane might be even better…

…

Actually. Let me just go way, WAY off topic here, perhaps more so than I’ve ever done in any blog entry so far. Here’s what would be my dream setlist for the Elder Club concert. Needless to say, my dream Elder Club graduation does not have any Wonderful Hearts bitches intruding. Those whores. Fuck off. Well, not by themselves anyway.

 

01) ALL FOR ONE & ONE FOR ALL / Everyone who is currently still in the Elder Club
02) Mr. Moonlight ~Ai no Big Band~ / Same as above
03) Narihajimeta Koi no Bell / Ongaku Gatas, with Manoeri and Mutou in there too!
04) Ai Ai Daiko / Yuki Maeda
05) 22sai no Watashi / Natsumi Abe
06) Tokyo Bijin / Yuko Nakazawa
07) Boogie Train ‘03 / Miki Fujimoto
08) Dokki Doki! LOVE Mail / Aya Matsuura
09) GET / Michiyo Heike with Hatake from Sharan Q on guitar
10) Melodies / GAM… preferably naked.
11) Namida no Taiyou / Melon Kinenbi
12) Chokotto LOVE / Pucchimoni 1st generation including Maki and Sayaka, then joined by all the rest of the generations.
13) Tanpopo medley:
   Last Kiss / 1st generation ->
   BE HAPPY! Koi ni Yajirobee / at this point joined by the 3rd generation minus Rika ->
   Otome Pasta ni Kandou / with the wota cheering like hell because this song is so goddamn awesome, but also left wondering what the hell happened to Rika… and bitter about Kago not showing up after all… until… ->
14) Chu! Natsu Party / 3nin Matsuri – the original fuckin’ lineup and wigs! WELCOME BACK KAGO!
15) Aruiteru / Alright, fine, just to give a break to the Elder Clubbers… the full Wonderful Hearts minus Eggs.
16) Ajisai Ai Ai Monogatari / Biyuuden
17) Robo Kiss / W
18) Morning Musume OG medley, with Hatake, Makoto and Taisei from Sharan Q as the backing band:
   Memory Seishun no Hikari / with special guest Tsunku ->
   Daite HOLD ON ME! ->
   Manatsu no Kousen ->
   DANCE Suru no da! ->
   Da Di Du De Do Da Di! / with special guest Tsunku… fuck guys, just imagine him doing those “ALL TOGETHER! ALL TOGETHER!“’s with his sexy man voice, leading the way. Mmm…
19) I know / all current Elder Club soloists
20) Morning Musume OG + current Morning Musume medley:
   The Peace! ->
   Souda! We’re ALIVE ->
   Ai Araba IT’S ALL RIGHT
21) Koi no Dance Site / Same as above

1ST ENCORE:

22) Halation Summer / Starting with just Ayaka, then joined by Mika, then all Coconuts Musume members
23) Gatamekira / Taiyou to Ciscomoon full line-up
24) Futari no Hokkaido (all real Country Musume girls, including Rinne and Azusa!) ->
   Koibito wa Kokoro no Ouendan (and then joined by Rika, Miki and Konno as well.)
25) Minimoni Jankenpyon / Minimoni 1st & 2nd generations
26) Itoshiki Tomo e / Morning Musume 10nen Kinentai
27) Never Forget / Everyone mentioned thus far

2ND ENCORE:

28) Happy Summer Wedding / Morning Musume OG + current Morning Musume
29) A MEMORY OF SUMMER ‘98 / Yuko, Nacchi, Kaori, Marippe, Kemeko, Sayaka
30) Morning Coffee / Yuko, Nacchi, Kaori… and then finally joined by Ayappe, and – YES! – Asuka from the second chorus on. FUCK YES! The last of the wota brains exploding.
31) Ai no Tane / the full first generation… oh Jesus Christ!

3RD ENCORE:

32) 21seiki / by the LOVE Machine line-up.
33) Joshi Kashimashi Monogatari / By all. EVERYONE.
34) Renai Revolution 21 / Same as above
35) I WISH / Same as above
36) LOVE Machine / Again, by everyone. It would be the most bitching performance of this song, EVER. Marippe gets the “love machine~” at the end, cause that’s just the way it was meant to be.

Shit, if that isn’t epic enough for the Elder Club graduation, I’m not sure if anything is.

 

But to get back on track… dammit man, forget about my irrelevant descriptions and just watch an amazing performance of this song by none other than the great Yuki Maeda and Kaori Iida. The song deserves it.

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1st: Coconuts Musume – Halation Summer:

“Mika! Danielle! Chelsea! Ayaka! April! We are COCONUTS MUSUME!“

I have to admit, I really really miss Coconuts Musume Ayaka. So much. I’m not even sure why. She’s just so adorable! I’ve personally only had two dreams that involve H!P members. The first was the ordinary kind of frantic, action-genre, Battle Royale-esque dream that consisted of me trying to survive with Tsuji and Kago and ultimately failing, though I for some reason got the feeling there was a sequel forthcoming… it ended in a huge cliffhanger! But the other was a calm, peaceful dream where I basically just ran into Ayaka in Helsinki and was like “Oh my god, are you Ayaka?!” I proceeded to offer to buy her a drink to which she gladly said yes, flashing me a cute but somehow flirty smile. We basically sat in a pub all evening long, discussing H!P members and their dirtiest secrets. I hope I slept with her afterwards, too. I don’t remember now if I did, guess I got too wasted drinking with her.

Eh, what could I really say in defense of the track? Halation Summer was of course the debut single of Coconuts Musume, released all the way back in 1999. Berryz Koubou released their remake of this song later, but don’t waste your time on that shit, man. You gotta get to the source, listen to the real deal. What, you think both versions of the song are goddamn awful? Really? Well… I’m kind of inclined to agree. No shame in liking something shitty if you acknowledge its shittyness, am I right? But it’s shitty in an entirely good way! Besides, it’s not like it’s a guilty pleasure– …or actually, that’s exactly what it is. There’s no way in hell I’d want to show this to any friends or family. But way more so than a guilty pleasure, it’s severely underrated. It’s not the greatest song in the world, but damn, it’s certainly not as loved as it should be and that is good enough.

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Sure, it’s definitely cheesy as hell and we all know it, but you have to overlook that. You either get it or you don’t. If you are one of the haters of the song, it’d be useless to even try to persuade you with words. If you love it like me? Cheers! As for the PV? It’s bad. Cheap, filled with nasty effects and the girls all look like whores. The attempts at dancing, if you care about that sort of stuff? Laughable. Danielle looks as disgusting as she very often had the tendency to. Chelsea and April are just forgettable, and indeed both left after one more single. Mika… well, do I even have to say it? Granted, she’s actually not half bad here. Sure she’s annoying, but unlike her time in Minimoni, she didn’t yet make me want to stab myself in the face.

But hey, who cares about them? Like I said, it’s all about the Ayaka! And indeed, this PV and song is a treat for all Ayaka lovers. She looks beautiful in the PV, not to mention very young. All the refrains of the song are basically 90% Ayaka with her singing the lead melody and the rest just doing backing vox. Oh, Ayaka, Ayaka, Ayaka… At least we’ll always have the PV’s, songs, her concert and Uta Doki performances and, perhaps most importantly, Ayaka’s English Lessons. That was something I know got lots of people into Hello! Project in the first place. Speaking of which, here’s one of my personal favorites. It’s the one featuring Nacchi that begins with a high-speed chase, with the deeply upset Nacchi yelling “No! What’s happening?! Wahhh let me out!!“

If there’s one thing I’d change, it’d be Ayaka waiting until March to graduate with all the rest. She would’ve already deserved a proper graduation just for ever agreeing on being associated with such an ill-fated, miserable group. Ah well, some things just weren’t meant to be I suppose. Long live Coconuts Musume Ayaka Kimura!

 

And that’s it for the second to last top five. The last one is going to be very obvious. You’ll see. I won’t make you wait too long.

 

…

Also, shit. Dammit. I just realized I was supposed to rank all H!P songs of 2008 earlier this month, and I did, but then I just… completely forgot about making a proper post with the reasonings and all that, and now it’s just too late so fuck it. I hate to be this unceremonious about it, but I’m just listing them.

15th: °C-ute – FOREVER LOVE
14th: Berryz Koubou – MADAYADE
13th: Milky Way – Anataboshi
12th: Aya Matsuura – Kichin to Chikin
11th: Natsumi Abe & Maimi Yajima – 16sai no Koi Nante
10th: Morning Musume – Pinponpan Taisou
9th: High-King – C\C (Cinderella\Complex)
8th: Buono! – Hoshi no Hitsujitachi
7th: °C-ute – Namida no Iro
6th: Erina Mano – Lalala Sososo
5th: Morning Musume – Romance
4th: Berryz Koubou – Maji Good Chance Summer
3rd: Aladdin – Hi wa, Mata Noboru
2nd: Berryz Koubou – HAPPY! Stand Up
1st: Morning Musume – Resonant Blue

Resonant Blue fucking rocked man. Fucking rocked.

Possibly related posts:

1. H!P Winter 2009 Awards Review – H!P Metalhead style! 1/2

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