Categories: Comics, Hello!Project
Tags: hatake, killer bitch unit, natsumi abe, tsunku, yuko nakazawa
Ladies and wota, I believe it is about time to end my longest running feature, the Top 5 Series. With this, all 15 top fives will be done. And hey, what better way to finish it than by ranking the songs simply by how much they kick ass in all their metal glory?!
Alright, fine, I lied in the title. It’s really the top 5 H!P songs that rock the hardest. Saying any of these songs are even remotely metal is a stretch because as you know, H!P never really ventures into metal territory… which is something most of you are quite happy about, I’m sure. But fuck that, ‘the top 5 songs that rock the hardest‘ just wouldn’t be as cool as ‘the top 5 most metal,’ so hey.
But truly, sometimes what I think H!P really needs is simply some good old metal in it. Some blastbeats here, some harsh death metal vocals by Tsunku to back the girls up there, a bitching guest guitar solo by Muhammed Suiçmez of Necrophagist and lyrics about slaughtering newborn babies. I can easily imagine a Berryz Koubou PV with a gothy-looking Chinami burning down a church while laughing in a blasphemous way. Or hey, how about replacing the MC segments at concerts with fun stuff like drinking games, the girls pouring still warm blood of animals on themselves or just plain old metal manliness such as Momoko screaming “here’s our new single that’s fucking awesome, it’s called Tsukiatteru no ni MURDER YOU WITH A HACKSAW” or Airi, à la Corpsegrinder, “KEEP FUCKING SUPPORTING DEATH METAL“?
Well, maybe not. But one thing is for sure: it’d make you appreciate the next Mikan-esque, cheery single a whole lot more, don’t you think?