Beat Laments The World

A metal-infused take on Asian music & other stuff

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(Originally posted on 2008/08/30, revised and made a shitload more readable on 2009/09/12. I don’t really ever go back and edit old posts, but this was the one exception I had to make. Thanks to CFB and takka for helping me figure out the initial details regarding the KBU.)

Yes, you read that right! There’s a new H!P unit, but there’s a catch: it’s one you really need to think long and hard on whether or not it’s a group you want to be a fan of.

Not much is known yet, but some small details that have surfaced so far are gathered here:

• Name: Killer Bitch Unit
• Members: Yuko Nakazawa (leader), Rika Ishikawa, Miki Fujimoto.
• Reason for forming unit? Obvious: Yuko, Rika and Miki are the toughest bitches who ever were under the umbrella of Hello! Project. The word bitch in this case doesn’t mean prostitute, but rather psychopath killer. For example, in the case of Miki, it’s a well-known fact that she has said she’d be a nursing home caretaker if she wasn’t an idol. This is because she wants to suffocate old people with pillows. Thus, psychopath killer. To go a bit more in-depth, here are the member biographies as told by delrey:
  

  Nakazawa-sama is the leader. Her ties to the upper echelons of the Yakuza hierarchy provide a lot of resources necessary to fulfill this unit’s diabolical purpose. Where do you think the financing comes from? Up-Front? Don’t make me laugh. Furthermore, Nakazawa has been killing professionally since her days as an “OL” before MoMusu (turns out, during this time she was actually a gun-runner acting as a liaison between Yakuza and Chinese Triad figureheads).

  Rika, or “the smile” as she was known as in her home town, always had a gift for causing pain since she was a child. Doctors and psychiatrists have diagnosed her personality as “a truly one-of-a-kind and extreme example of absolute narcissism with violent psychopathic tendencies” but this is only scratching at the surface of what Rika is really capable of. Her constant struggle to decimate those who pose what she rationalizes as a “threat” to her makes her a dangerous animal indeed.

  Mikitty. While Nakazawa was born into her profession and Rika suffers from a psychological condition, Fujimoto Miki, on the other hand, does it simply for the love of the game. Using sex as a tool to lure unsuspecting victims, Mikitty is the definition of a textbook succubus. But, that is certainly not the extent of her talents. She is ruthless in every way and finds pleasure in making others feel small. She is a sadist of the most extreme type whose love of torture (both physical and emotional) is testament to the depths to which the human psyche can delve. Contact with her, however enticing, should be avoided at all costs if one values their life.

• Live concerts center around the main theme of KBU killing as many people as fast as possible, preferably with chainsaws. Doing this would invite new fans as well, such as S&M-enthusiasts, fans of extreme sports and all other suicidal people. The DVD releases would also be very popular amongst snuff film collectors: picture a sea of fans doing wotagei, the killer bitches, and an endless barrage of death. It’s a beautiful image. All in all, the live concerts promise to be a world of fun. Bringing your friends and family along is very much encouraged: it’ll be a bloody good time!
• No word on tracklists yet, but it is expected that all tours will feature heavily varied sets on every night to make fans more eager to come. It has been said by Tsunku that he will personally make sure each and every setlist will be one to die for.

The Killer Bitch Unit – a bitching unit of death, devised in the deepest depths of Hell.

Their music – crushing.
Their rise to stardom – devastating, monstrous.
The live experience – horrifying, disgusting, appalling beyond words.
They will annihilate.

Nakazawa Yuko, Fujimoto Miki & Ishikawa Rika

are

KILLER BITCH UNIT

Coming to concert venues near you.

Prepare for death.

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