Beat Laments The World

A metal-infused take on Asian music & other stuff

Alright, this is Henkka writing this to you fresh off the, er, dingy bus from the first H!P-related show in Finland of all time. I’m going to type up my thoughts on the show right now later than later.

I was among the first group of people to buy the tickets to the show as soon as it was announced. Pretty much the second the word got out, I was out buying tix to the show for me and two friends I’d successfully got into H!P sometime earlier. If you want me to be honest with you though, I wasn’t completely 100% excited about the show — I mean, I love both Yossie (who is the first MM member I loved when I first got into H!P) and Rika (who’s, well, pretty much one of my most loved H!P members of all time now) but I wasn’t quite into their music that much.

However, my expectations got an odd kickstart shortly before the show. As you know, several H!P sites including Int’l Wota, JPHiP and Hello!Blog were giving out chances to ask questions from Rika and Yossie themselves during the show. I figured, “Whoa this is pretty cool! … but ah well, I’ll just let the young’uns ask away their Q’s“…

That’s when Paul of Hello!Blog tweeted he was still looking for people to ask questions from the group, less than 24 hours before the actual Helsinki show! This is when I tweeted away my question to him. Flash forward to the actual show…

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(Originally posted on 2008/08/30, revised and made a shitload more readable on 2009/09/12. I don’t really ever go back and edit old posts, but this was the one exception I had to make. Thanks to CFB and takka for helping me figure out the initial details regarding the KBU.)

Yes, you read that right! There’s a new H!P unit, but there’s a catch: it’s one you really need to think long and hard on whether or not it’s a group you want to be a fan of.

Not much is known yet, but some small details that have surfaced so far are gathered here:

• Name: Killer Bitch Unit
• Members: Yuko Nakazawa (leader), Rika Ishikawa, Miki Fujimoto.
• Reason for forming unit? Obvious: Yuko, Rika and Miki are the toughest bitches who ever were under the umbrella of Hello! Project. The word bitch in this case doesn’t mean prostitute, but rather psychopath killer. For example, in the case of Miki, it’s a well-known fact that she has said she’d be a nursing home caretaker if she wasn’t an idol. This is because she wants to suffocate old people with pillows. Thus, psychopath killer. To go a bit more in-depth, here are the member biographies as told by delrey:
  

  Nakazawa-sama is the leader. Her ties to the upper echelons of the Yakuza hierarchy provide a lot of resources necessary to fulfill this unit’s diabolical purpose. Where do you think the financing comes from? Up-Front? Don’t make me laugh. Furthermore, Nakazawa has been killing professionally since her days as an “OL” before MoMusu (turns out, during this time she was actually a gun-runner acting as a liaison between Yakuza and Chinese Triad figureheads).

  Rika, or “the smile” as she was known as in her home town, always had a gift for causing pain since she was a child. Doctors and psychiatrists have diagnosed her personality as “a truly one-of-a-kind and extreme example of absolute narcissism with violent psychopathic tendencies” but this is only scratching at the surface of what Rika is really capable of. Her constant struggle to decimate those who pose what she rationalizes as a “threat” to her makes her a dangerous animal indeed.

  Mikitty. While Nakazawa was born into her profession and Rika suffers from a psychological condition, Fujimoto Miki, on the other hand, does it simply for the love of the game. Using sex as a tool to lure unsuspecting victims, Mikitty is the definition of a textbook succubus. But, that is certainly not the extent of her talents. She is ruthless in every way and finds pleasure in making others feel small. She is a sadist of the most extreme type whose love of torture (both physical and emotional) is testament to the depths to which the human psyche can delve. Contact with her, however enticing, should be avoided at all costs if one values their life.

• Live concerts center around the main theme of KBU killing as many people as fast as possible, preferably with chainsaws. Doing this would invite new fans as well, such as S&M-enthusiasts, fans of extreme sports and all other suicidal people. The DVD releases would also be very popular amongst snuff film collectors: picture a sea of fans doing wotagei, the killer bitches, and an endless barrage of death. It’s a beautiful image. All in all, the live concerts promise to be a world of fun. Bringing your friends and family along is very much encouraged: it’ll be a bloody good time!
• No word on tracklists yet, but it is expected that all tours will feature heavily varied sets on every night to make fans more eager to come. It has been said by Tsunku that he will personally make sure each and every setlist will be one to die for.

The Killer Bitch Unit – a bitching unit of death, devised in the deepest depths of Hell.

Their music – crushing.
Their rise to stardom – devastating, monstrous.
The live experience – horrifying, disgusting, appalling beyond words.
They will annihilate.

Nakazawa Yuko, Fujimoto Miki & Ishikawa Rika

are

KILLER BITCH UNIT

Coming to concert venues near you.

Prepare for death.

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Uta Doki!, the TV show mostly featuring H!P artists singing (mostly) classic songs from the 60′s through the 90′s. This show is finally drawing to a close since airing its first episode on October 2, 2006 and I feel that now as it’s mostly done (the remaining 10 episodes will not feature anything new) it’s time for what I like best: mindless ranking, baby. While I am looking forward to seeing what Berikyuu! has to offer, I don’t think it’s going to top the awesomeness of Uta Doki. As I have watched all episodes so far, this show introduced me to many classics of Japanese music that I’d never heard before, and even a few artists I decided to check out further. But most importantly, it was filled with fun and memorable performances.

So hey, if you never got into watching Uta Doki!, here’s the perfect chance to check out all the best ones. Expect something much more laidback from me than usual because Uta Doki was all about fun and so I won’t do this too seriously either.

Starting with a top 3 of honorary mentions:

3rd: 116 2007-03-21 Sayumi Michishige, Erika Miyoshi & Yui Okada – Jaa ne (originally by Onyanko Club): I greatly prefer this over the original by Onyanko Club for it has more clarity. Very cute performance! It’s not very often that I actually like the sound of Sayu‘s voice. :) [watch here]
2nd: 059 2006-12-21 Melon Kinenbi – Wedding Bell (originally by Sugar): Good stuff here, somewhat odd song and solid vocals. Check it out. [watch here]
1st: 094 2007-02-19 Mai Satoda – TRAIN-TRAIN (originally by The Blue Hearts): Too bad this couldn’t make the top 15. Mai is in top form here and really gets into it! [watch here]

(Geez, the last few lines look like a rainbow)

And then the actual top 15:

15th: 039 2006-11-23 Ai Takahashi (with Taisei) – CHA-CHA-CHA (originally by Ishii Akemi)

Let’s face it, Taisei is fucking awesome. Anything with Taisei in it will instantly make it much better and this one is no exception. Pure 80′s, cheesy goodness and a catchy song that sung by Takitty will be stuck in your head for ages. “I wanna dance, do you like CHA-CHA-CHA / A virgin kibun CHA-CHA“. This will not be the last of Taisei in this list; in fact, he has the most appearances in all of these, along with one other girl.

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